


A Stitch in Time

by MorningstarGlory



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Demons, Explicit Language, Humor, M/M, Sarcasm, Sibling Incest, The Author Likes to Lean on the Fourth Wall, The Author is Ignoring That Whole Vergil is Nero's Father Thing, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, Time Travel, Why OTP When You Can OT3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-01 06:57:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorningstarGlory/pseuds/MorningstarGlory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a strange demon attacks Fortuna, Nero somehow finds himself back in time and stuck in the Temen-ni-gru. He has no interest in getting tangled up with the sons of Sparda; he just wants to get back to Fortuna. Yet that doesn't stop him from making the rash choice to save Virgil when he tries to stay behind in the demon world. Things get a little awkward afterward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Attack

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: The author loves italics and parentheses so much. Maybe one day I will learn how to write a character's thoughts in a non-awkward way, but today is not that day. 
> 
> A note about my timeline: LOOK, I PLAYED THE SPECIAL EDITION OF 4 and I KNOW it's canon now, but I'm still pretending that whole "Vergil is Nero's father" thing didn't happen because I continue to believe it makes NO SENSE. Oh yeah, this guy who hated humanity as a whole and was busy planning the end of the world took some time out of his schedule for a teenage pregnancy. Whatevs man. For the sake of this story, we're going to pretend Vergil visited Fortuna, but did not have the world's most uncomfortable one night stand. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I clearly don't own this series and I'm making no money from this story or it's characters.

_The day had started off as yet another beautiful ( **and mind numbingly boring** ) day on Fortuna Island. The sky above had been a deep cloudless blue that stretched across the horizon as far as the eye could see and the warm breeze carried the salty tang of the sea with it. Nero could hear people laughing and talking in the streets below his window as everyone on the island banded together to lend a helping hand in repairing the lasting damage left over from that whole Savior incident. _

_(Turns out that the leader of your city turning into a power hungry demon and attempting to kill everyone isn’t something typically covered by homeowner’s insurance.)_

_(Not that the whole trying to kill everyone thing had made anyone any less annoyingly pious. Nero still overheard people whispering that what had happened had surely been Dante’s fault and the chaos that followed was due to the Savior’s death.)_

_(Some of them even insisted that “his holiness” was still alive and would return soon to lead them again.)_

_(In other words, it turns out that you can still swing a hammer even with your head in your ass.)_

Of course, now the memory of the morning stood in stark contrast to his current surroundings. Blue skies that belonged in a story book and the sound of laughter filling the streets started to seem like some kind of cruel cosmic joke when you somehow found yourself on your hands and knees in a disgusting alley way filled with the unmistakable blood, sulfur and ash odor of demons filling the air.

_(He just had to complain about Fortuna being boring, didn’t he?)_

_Kyrie had been so pale he almost hadn’t recognized her when she burst into his room without knocking and all he’d been able to focus on was the blood splashed across her normally pristine dress. The crimson stains had sunk into the lines of careful stitching and become a ghoulish form of embroidery that highlighted just how much she was shaking. The only details Nero had bothered to ask was, “are you hurt?” and “where?” before he’d wrapped her in a blanket, grabbed his weapons and headed out._

_(Considering how badly the fight had gone, he was really starting to regret not asking things like, “what?” and “maybe somebody else could handle this?”)_

_It actually hadn’t been all that difficult to track down the demon since all he’d had to do was follow the trail of recently-rebuilt-but-now-definitely-destroyed-again buildings and (mostly civilian) (the monster was going to pay for that) corpses littering the streets._

_(Guess everybody was going to need way more hammers.)_

_(Or better insurance.)_

_(Both property and burial wise.)_

_(Who would have fucking thought that turning all your guards into empty suits of armor during your mad quest for power would have turned out to be a bad idea?)_

_(Everyone who wasn’t as insane as Sanctus, that’s who.)_

_He found the strange demon ransacking the town square in a manner that could only be described as downright gleeful. Most devils just liked the fight or were hunting for their next meal, but this one’s goal seemed to be causing as much destruction as it could. He’d never seen anything like this demon in his life; he’d been expecting a few dozen scarecrows or a Blitz at worse, but not an entirely new breed of monster._

_(The whole mystery monster thing was kind of a problem considering Nero had no idea how to fight the damn thing.)_

_(He definitely should have asked “what?”)_

_(The creature had zeroed in on him the instant he set foot in the square and it was clearly already too late for take-backsies.)_

_At first glance, the creature seemed to be made of pure shadows that absorbed all the light surrounding it. A closer look revealed that the shadows themselves seemed to be alive, like a floating cloud of rolling dark oil that definitely carried the promise of hidden teeth and claws that this monster would **definitely** try to shove through him. _

_He’d started with Red Queen, revving the blade until it had ignited and burned with bright flames. The demon dodged the first three swings of his blade, shifting and unnaturally manipulating its body into different shapes. Nero managed to catch it right in the middle of its strange shifting mass on his 4 th try, but instead of doing any damage, Red Queen’s flames died on contact and the damn thing shrugged off his sword like it was a toy. _

_He grabbed Blue Rose from its holster and fired right into the thing’s smug face._

_(Or at least where he thought the thing’s face was.)_

_(It never stopped irritating Nero when things didn’t have faces where they were supposed to have faces.)_

_(He didn’t know if this thing even had a face, but if it did, it was definitely a smug one.)_

_And the damn thing laughed at him. It was an awful deep chuckle that seemed to echo in his hearing. The sound alone was enough to send chills down his spine._

_“You’re really starting to piss me off.” Nero growled at the beast as he activated his devil trigger. “Just remember that you asked for it.”_

_Yielding Yamato still felt odd to him sometimes, like the blade itself wasn’t quite sure about Nero, but the sword hadn’t let him down yet._

_(He still had trouble accepting that demon arms were capable of feeling anything at all, but really, he shouldn’t be surprised to find out that something so closely attached to the Sparda family was as equally annoying as they were.)_

_He swung the blade in a high arc, absolutely determined to end the fight in one single blow._

_(Slicing the demon in half seemed like a great way to tell it how much of an asshole it was.)_

_The monster blocked the blade with one clawed ( **knew** **it**!) hand. _

_(It would have been comical if it’d happened to someone else. And if it hadn’t preceded a humiliating and massively painful ass kicking.)_

_The clawed hand closed around Yamato and began to enclose it in that rolling darkness. Nero jerked the sword back instinctually, only for the inky tendrils engulfing his sword to suddenly change targets to ensnarl his wrists and begin twining up his arms._

_(The damn thing hadn’t been interested in taking his sword. It’d been luring him in and he’d fallen for it like a **jackass**.)_

_(The damn thing was definitely going to try to eat him.)_

_He managed to wrench Yamato away from the beast but more shadows shot out of the mass and wrapped around Nero’s throat and ankles before he had a chance to even attempt putting the blade to good use. The demon laughed at him again as it hoisted Nero off the ground completely like he was nothing but a feather. His own weight caused the tendrils to bite into his skin with enough force to both limit his air supply and make it feel as though the creature was going to pull him apart limb by limb._

_(He really didn’t like where this was going now that a laughing demon had introduced tentacles to the mix.)_

_He struggled against the vice like grip and managed to free one of his legs just enough to aim a desperate but still solid kick against the all-too-oily-for-a-shadow’s maybe-chest._

_(Why couldn’t this thing at least have something resembling a shape?)_

_It felt like kicking a solid steel wall and accomplished nothing but sending a sharp spike of pain up Nero’s leg that practically rattled the teeth in his head. The tendrils around his throat tightened and cut off his cry of distress as it suddenly became very obvious that these tendrils could grow spikes if they needed to._

_(Because they **had** grown spikes, and those spikes were currently imbedded in the tender flesh of his throat, probably just **inches** away from his **jugular vein**.)_

_(He had to admit, getting strangled in the courtyard by an evil slimy octopus was really not the way he’d pictured his life ending.)_

_The demon wasn’t content to just strangle him though. Oh no, it just had to violently impale him too._

_(He’d just known it was going to try to shove something through him. It wasn’t supposed to succeed though.)_

_The bladed gloom sliced through his abdomen like a warm knife through butter. The wound alone would have left him screaming if he’d had any air left in his lungs, but it was followed by the worst burning sensation he’d ever felt; it was as though battery acid had been poured into his skin and it was now slowly burning its way through his entire nervous system._

_(He’d read once that some animals will inject their prey with venom beforehand to paralyze them so they couldn’t struggle.)_

_(He just knew this fucking thing had been planning on eating him from the start.)_

_Nero had just enough time to watch the creature begin to swallow his lower body before the shadow of unconsciousness overtook him._

_..._

Nero felt like he’d been hit by a wrecking ball as he slowly came to. His entire body still burned fiercely like he was on fire and his head felt like it was going to split open. The hard, rough pavement he was laying on certainly wasn’t helping matters any. He groaned out loud as he gingerly rolled to his side and forced his way into a sitting position. As tempting as it was to give up and pass out again, there were a few pressing matters that were nagging him for his attention. Things such as “ **how the hell am I even alive right now**?” and “ **wait** , **where the hell am I**?”

“What the hell?” Nero exclaimed in confusion as he looked around for any clues that might give him an idea of where he was. He’d been expecting to wake up in Fortuna because why the hell wouldn’t he wake up in Fortuna? Had that demon knocked him out and taken him somewhere else?

_(Okay, he actually hadn’t been expecting to wake up at all.)_

_(It really wasn’t a comforting thought to imagine the fiend kidnapping him while he was unconscious just so it could dump him in a wet alley way just to screw with him.)_

_(He really hoped it’d rained here recently because otherwise, ugh.)_

_(He still had to be somewhere close though, right? They demon couldn’t have carried him off too far.)_

_(Did Fortuna even have dirty alley ways? It seemed like everyone in the city loved sweeping the streets.)_

_(This whole area smelled like a war zone. He couldn’t have been out long enough for one demon to cause this much damage.)_

Nero forced himself onto unsteady feet and hissed in pain as he pressed a hand against the final wound the demon had given him. It still felt as fresh and raw as it would have if he’d received it mere seconds ago. He curiously unzipped his hoodie and peeled up his shirt to have a look.

**(Fuck.)**

It wasn’t good.

**_(Understatement of the year.)_ **

The wound was a bloody mess with jagged, torn edges instead of a clean cut. It looked like he’d been slashed with something dull.

_(It certainly hadn’t felt dull at the time.)_

_(Had the demon been strong enough to impale him with one of its tentacles with so much force it just felt sharp at the time?)_

More worrying than the actual wound was the black slimy substance oozing from it.

_(Don’t do it. You don’t actually want to know.)_

Nero braced his hands on either side of the wound and pressed. He recoiled in disgust and had to choke back the urge to vomit when the black essence gushed out of the gash. The fucking thing really had injected him with something during the attack and whatever it was; it was seriously impeding his healing ability. It’d been years since he’d needed actual medical attention and somehow he doubted there was an ER that specialized in treating wounds received from supernatural creatures. He had to find out just where the hell he’d been carried off to and find somewhere to at least patch himself up before the wound got worse.

He stumbled out of the alleyway and picked a random street to follow. As he walked, he couldn’t help but notice a few things like:

  1. _This city wasn’t the least bit familiar and it appeared to be totally deserted, despite obvious signs of life._
  2. _This city smelled like a slum that rented exclusively to demons and hot garbage cans._
  3. _There were bloodstains everywhere._
  4. _The previous three things were clearly related._



Conclusion: **seriously, fuck that**.

Nero brushed off his clothing _(and his bruised ego)_ , checked to make sure he still had all of his weapons _(at least his kidnapper was considerate enough to leave him armed)_ , gave the wound on his stomach one more check _(he was going to shove a bench up that demon’s ass when he found it)_ and decided that whatever was happening here was **not his problem**. He couldn’t afford to get distracted by this city’s problems no matter how numerous and awful they seemed to be. He was severely injured and wasn’t even sure if he _could_ fight now if he needed to, and he couldn’t just leave that demon alone so it could carve its way through Fortuna and everyone who lived there, including Kyrie. Maybe he could find a way to help the people here _(not that there seemed to be any survivors)_ after he’d taken care of things back in Fortuna.

His determination to get back and save the day was abruptly cut short though when the ground beneath his feet began to shake violently. Deep cracks formed in the street like an intricate spider web and Nero watched in surprise _(and barely contained irritation)_ as a large stone tower emerged from the ground and began to rise towards the moon.

_(Well that was a little overdramatic.)_

_(All the damn thing was missing was a giant neon billboard reading “Hello! I am obviously demonic in nature and I’m going to kill everyone you love.”)_

_(That definitely explained the empty, blood stained city that smelled of demons thing at least. Now if only an explanation for why he was here would pop out of the ground as well.)_

_(He did not time for this bullshit.)_

Without a moment of hesitation, Nero turned and ran pointedly in the opposite direction of the eerie tower standing against the moon.

....

Apparently, Nero had all the time in the world for this bullshit.

Little known fact about obviously demonic towers that were both trying to kill you and were obviously not your problem: they were somehow even harder to ignore than you might initially think.

Nero’s boots skidded against the wet pavement of the street as he looked around and realized he was right back where he started, _for the third time in a row_. It was becoming increasingly clear that if he ever wanted to get the hell out of here and get back to Fortuna instead of uselessly running in circles for the rest of his life, he was going to have to do something about monolith jutting out of the middle of the city since it seemed to be affecting the area around it.

_And he was not happy about it._

Nero mumbled several colorful curses to himself before he turned around and began running towards the tower. The city around him was eerily quiet except for the pounding of his boots against the pavement and the faint sounds of music being faintly played nearby. The silence both unnerved him and seemed odd; usually you found a lot of demons hanging around things that were obviously demonic in nature. The lack of demons, even the small fries, may have saved him from fighting while injured but it also deeply confused him.

He found that the music was coming from the remnants of a busted jukebox in a seedy looking strip club called Planet Love. Like everything else in town, it was covered in blood and broken debris but there was at least a full first aid kit behind the shabby bar.

_(Bar fights were probably one of those things that happened a lot in a shithole like this.)_

_(This was going to suck.)_

Nero dug through the first aid kit until he found some alcohol, some gauze and a few bandages. There was also some medical grade superglue in the kit, but Nero didn’t want to completely seal the wound closed as long as it was still full of whatever it was the demon had pumped him full of.

_(Which was disgusting imagery.)_

_(He wasn’t a grizzled mercenary in an action movie and that meant he wasn’t going to try just pouring some whiskey onto his stomach, tying a bandana around it and hoping for the best.)_

All the chairs and stools were broken, so Nero sighed and resigned himself to sitting on the dirty floor _(which was not really where you wanted to be while you were trying to disinfect a wound)._

_(He really shouldn’t have blown off all those first aid courses the Order used to insist on.)_

He hitched his shirt back up and unscrewed the lid on the bottle of alcohol.

_(This was really going to suck.)_

Nero gritted his teeth and poured the alcohol directly into his wound.

_(That was a bad idea.)_

The pain was damn near unbearable and Nero cried out in agony before doubling over. The mysterious substance leaking out of the wound reacted violently to the alcohol, physically shifting and bubbling like it was trying to get as far away from the disinfectant as possible. His vison wavered as he pressed gauze against the wound in an attempt to soak up the mixture of blood and oil that was currently seeping out of his stomach. The gauze became soaked immediately with a horrible swirl of black and red nightmares seeping through the previously white fabric.

_(That didn’t work at all.)_

_(He had to do it again.)_

**(Fuck.)**

Nero’s hands were shaking as he soaked another clean piece of gauze in the alcohol. He had to be losing his goddamn mind to even consider doing this bullshit twice in a row. He used his free hand to press against the wound to drain the gash as much as possible. It was disgusting and caused his muscles to seize in protest.

_(He was going to need so much therapy when this was over.)_

He eased the gauze slowly towards his stomach to give himself time to prepare for the pain and totally not because he was stalling for time.

_(He was totally stalling for time.)_

Whatever the demon had injected him with, it had clearly decided that it wasn’t a big fan of alcohol. The mysterious ooze lashed out without warning, transforming into several spikes that drove themselves into Nero’s hand as soon as it got close. He dropped the soaked gauze to the floor.

**(What the fuck.)**

_(Don’t think about. It’ll be fine.)_

_(Yeah, definitely don’t think about how you’ve been infected with something that’s not only sentient, but willing to attack its host to protect itself.)_

_(He was going to need something stronger than antibiotics once he got home.)_

_(And he had to stop watching late night science fiction movies.)_

He collapsed back against the bar and closed his eyes _(half in exhaustion and half in horror)_ as he waited for the pain to recede to a bearable amount. Today definitely hadn’t been his day and it just kept getting worse and worse. He was incredibly tempted to fall asleep right there in the dust and broken glass in the hopes he’d wake back up in Fortuna and this would all end up being a really fucked up bad dream.

_(Kyrie is still in danger, asshole. Get up.)_

Nero forced his eyes back open and crawled to his feet using the bar as support.

_(It didn’t matter if you looked like an idiot as long as no one was around.)_

He shakily grabbed the largest bandage he could find and slapped it against the wound. He wrapped the remainder of the gauze around his abdomen in the vain hope it might absorb some of the foreign substance.

Nero knew what he had to do and his plan was a simple one.

  1. Destroy the _(demonic) (solid stone) (400 foot tall)_ tower _(that was strong enough to warp the city around it and prevent him from leaving) (armed with only two swords, a gun and his devil bringer) (while he was heavily injured and in too much pain to actually fight)._
  2. Get back to Fortuna Island. _(Somehow.) (Maybe by boat?) (He’d cross this bridge when he got to it.) (Maybe literally depending on where he was.)_
  3. Get his straight-out-of-a-horror-movie wound treated _(If it didn’t kill him first.)_ by a professional _(surely someone in the Order knew how to treat whatever this was)(he’d probably defeated everyone who might have known what to do in this situation)_ so he could pretend this never happened _(he was going to have nightmares about vengeful goo living in his stomach for the rest of his life) (at least Angus wasn’t around to turn him into a science experiment)._
  4. Save Kyrie and everyone else from the demon. _(That he still didn’t know anything about) (he also didn’t know how to actually injure it) (there was also that hiccup with all his weapons being useless against it) (and the part where it’d kicked his ass effortlessly) (and the fact that it’d somehow transported him to an entirely different city) (hopefully not a different country) (he did not have his wallet on him to buy a plane ticket)._



_(There were admittedly a few details that needed to be ironed out.)_

At least the actual path to the tower couldn’t have been more obvious unless the streets had been lined with signs that said things like **THIS WAY TO THE GIANT DEMONIC TOWER** and **WARNING: DEATH IS LOOMING OVER YOUR CITY**. All he really had to do was follow the wide trail of destroyed buildings, splashes of gore and bullet holes.

_Wait, what?_

Nero stopped in front of a smashed store front to examine it more closely. It had clearly been a witness to some kind of fight judging from the bullet holes and bodily fluids staining the bricks. The blood was demonic in nature and there were no signs of bullet casings anywhere on the ground.

_(These demons had picked a fight with someone and it really hadn’t worked out so well for the demons.)_

_(Whoever it was, they’d been using a gun that was magical in nature.)_

_(There was another hunter in the city.)_

_(Well, that explains the lack of demons on the way to the entrance.)_

Nero’s thought instantly jumped to Dante. The older hunter seemed like just the type of asshole who’d be mixed up in a mess like this.

_(He probably caused this mess.)_

At least if it was Dante, he’d have some backup against whatever was lurking in the spire and considering the state he was currently in, help would be invaluable.

_(Not that he’d ever ask or admit that to Dante.)_

Maybe Nero could even drag him back to Fortuna when all of this was over.

_(Maybe Dante would know what the hell the mystery demon was and it’d be nice to have a meaty shield when he fought the monster again.)_

He was getting ahead of himself though. It could be an entirely different hunter who’d ended up stuck in this mess. He knew Dante and he weren’t the only ones in the world.

_(Maybe they’d be less of a pain in the ass than Dante was.)_

( _At least the odds of meeting something else that could punch him into an entirely different city seemed unlikely._ )

Nero moved on, pressing forward towards the tower while wondering if he would find a new friend or a new foe waiting for him inside.

...

Nero had been prepared to face any number of dangerous things when he finally reached the _(blasted apart and frozen over) (of course it was covered in the obligatory blood stains) (what the hell happened here and how had he missed the noise?)_ entrance of the **THIS IS CLEARLY A BAD SIGN FOR YOUR PROPERTY VALUES** tower. He’d been _(reluctantly)_ prepared for:

  1. Demons! _(Second hunter or not, there surely had to be some left in the giant demonic tower.) (Nobody could be talented enough to clear out all of them permanently.) (Nero’s ego wouldn’t be able to take it.)_
  2. Bloodshed! _(Of the aforementioned demons. He’d done enough bleeding for today, thank you very much.)_
  3. Injuries! _(Hopefully not his since he still had a giant bleeding hole in his stomach.) (He was definitely going to have to find something bigger than a bench for that demon.) (Maybe a minivan.) (Maybe this tower if he could find a way to carry it back.)_
  4. Nonsensical architecture! _(Demons seemed to be really awful at designing floor plans that made any kind of sense.)_
  5. Inane and random obstacles that could be removed by solving bullshit puzzles! _(Bullshit puzzles seemed to be the number one past time of demons.) (Why couldn’t they just put together jigsaw puzzles of kittens instead?)_
  6. Conveniently placed Divinity Statues! _(Did demons use those things to order groceries or something? You’d think they’d make more of an effort to destroy them so they weren’t just sitting around waiting to help the people trying to kill them.) (Nero still didn’t understand why they accepted crystalized demon blood as payment.) (Maybe this was actually another bullshit puzzle.)_



What Nero hadn’t been expecting to find was a whole lot of fucking nothing. It was a relief to not have to fight his way through endless swarms of demons when every movement caused pain to radiate through his body, but navigating a silent evil tower wasn’t exactly his idea of a good time. The tower seemed as equally deserted as the city; if not for the bullet holes that marked his path like a fucked up trail of breadcrumbs, Nero would have believed he was literally the only one in the area.

_(Well, at least he didn’t have to solve any bullshit puzzles.)_

The silence also meant he had nothing to distract him from worrying about what might be happening back in Fortuna while he was trapped here or wondering just what the hell kind of horror was currently circulating through his bloodstream.

_(It was bullshit that an empty tower stood in his way of getting back.)_

_(What if he was currently infected by some horrible virus that was going to eat him from the inside out?)_

_(He could really use a distraction.)_

_(He’d even be willing to solve a bullshit puzzle.)_

The smart thing to do in this situation would have been to slow down, proceed with caution and carefully plan out his next move while he wasn’t under attack. After all, hadn’t the Order spent years trying to train him to not be so reckless and not take so many pointless risks?

_(And hadn’t he spent years ignoring their advice? Why start heeding it now?)_

Nero crashed through the hallways as fast as his wounds allowed him to move, determined to get home as quickly as possible.

....

Nero had long stopped paying attention to his surroundings by the time he stumbled across the old library. A few thoughts, one much more pressing than the others, ran through his head as he looked around.

  1. _The trail of bullet holes had gone cold sometime before he reached the library. That meant the other hunter was either dead or had gone in a different direction, which meant Nero was either on his own from here on out or he was lost. Goddamn it._
  2. _Why was the library in the least fucking accessible place in this whole forsaken building? Nonsensical demonic floor plans strike again._
  3. _Why did every demonic hideout need a library in the first place? Do lesser demons spend their time off reading fantasy novels? Is looking yourself up in old human skin bound tomes the demonic equivalent of Googling yourself?_
  4. _If he didn’t move his ass right fucking now, he was going to be sliced opened from shoulder to groin._



It was only his non-human instincts that allowed him to block the incoming blow without being cleanly carved in two. He managed to get his Devil Bringer up in just enough time to catch the blade in the outer scales of his demonic arm instead of his incredibly human face. The blade, or rather the murderous intent behind it, still managed to sink a few inches into the outer armor of his arm, causing the demonic limb to glow brightly and bathe his attacker in a bright unnatural blue light that matched the unknown man’s coat. In the strange glow of his Devil Bringer, the man looked more like a ghost than a man.

There was no doubt about it, the guy who was currently trying to saw through his arm for no goddamn reason should have been his primary concern and he would have been, if the blade the strange man was forcing through his arm wasn’t undeniably Yamato.

_(For what felt like the millionth time that day, Nero asked himself, “ **What the fuck**?”)_

_(To add salt to the wound, the imposter Yamato was definitely listening to this asshole far more than the actual Yamato ever listened to him.)_

The glow from his Devil Bringer faded as Nero made the mistake of sliding his gaze over from the confusing blade to meet the gaze of his mysterious attacker. Nero found himself staring into eyes that were just as blue, ruthless and violent as the man they belonged to. Whoever this guy was, he wielded his sword like it was as effortless as breathing to him.

Something clicked into place in Nero’s mind.

_Holy shit. Dante?_

It had taken his brain a few seconds to catch up, what with the whole still being locked in a standstill with someone trying to cut him in half thing, but he finally realized why this guy seemed so familiar. Whoever this guy was, he was a carbon copy of Dante.

_(If Dante had suddenly developed a taste for dressing like an oversized blue snow cone.)_

_(And if Dante was suddenly around his age.)_

_(And if he’d somehow become the type of person who attacked first without so much as making a smartass comment. That was a hard thing to picture; Dante loved making smart ass comments.)_

_(And if Dante had taken up the weird and questionable hobby of hanging out in demonic towers with guys that were somehow the creepiest thing around.)_

_(And if Dante had suddenly reclaimed Yamato, which was impossible, because he still had Yamato.)_

_(Oh shit, did Dante have a vengeful son running around?)_

_(If Dante was his father, who could really blame the guy for being a little unbalanced?)_

“Who the hell are you?” Nero asked. He’d never been the type to beat around the bush when he wanted answers and he wasn’t going to start now.

“I could ask the same of you.” The stranger in front of said with a calmness that didn’t match his cold eyes at all. Definitely not Dante; if the weird age difference hadn’t made that clear, the different voice did. “It seems we have yet another uninvited guest, Arkham.”

“He’s of little consequence.” The creepy guy with an even creepier facial scar replied, seemingly more worried about standing as uncomfortably close to blue coat guy as he could instead of paying Nero any real attention. “I could kill him myself if you don’t want to waste your time.”

“This one has the power of a demon.” The stranger replied, examining Nero far more closely than his creepy sidekick had. Those cold blue eyes examined Nero’s devil bringer with a open mix of interest and disgust.

“I’m standing right here.” Nero pointed out, tired of being treated like he was nothing but a science experiment to be examined. “My name is Nero. Secondly, your creepy sidekick couldn’t kill me if he tried. Now, again, who the hell are you?”

“I’ve never heard of you.” The stranger said instead of just telling Nero what his damn name was.

“What?” Nero asked while shrugging his Devil Bringer, forcing the stranger to take a step back and remove the imposter blade from his arm. The mysterious man allowed it without attacking again, but Nero somehow got the impression the move had only been allowed because the man thought he could kill Nero anytime he needed to. “Dante didn’t mention me?”

_(That was clearly the wrong thing to say.)_

_(He really needed to learn to ask the right questions one day.)_

The stranger’s entire demeanor seemed to change the instant the sentence finished leaving Nero’s _(dumb)_ mouth. Clearly this guy wasn’t a basket of sunshine no matter what, but he’d seemed content to silently examine Nero just a few moments ago instead of pressing his attack. Now he was radiating such murderous intent that Nero was kind of surprised it wasn’t manifesting in cartoon squiggles around him.

“So, you’re with Dante.” The stranger said. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement and Nero would have to be an idiot to not hear the rage behind it.

_(Ah, so this guy thinks Dante is a jackass too.)_

_(Wait, with Dante? That had to mean Dante **was** the second hunter in the tower.)_

_(He had no idea how he’d ever mistaken this guy for Dante when they were polar opposites.)_

“Look, I don’t know who you are.” Nero said as he reached for Red Queen on his back. He tried to hide his wince as he jarred his injury and was hit with a wave of renewed pain. _(From the gleam in the stranger’s eyes, he didn’t think he succeeded in not revealing that he was vulnerable.)_ “But if you’re looking for a fight...”

_(Please don’t be looking for a fight.)_

**_(There was no one standing in front of him.)_ **

He didn’t have a chance to block the sword this time. He didn’t even have a chance to think “what the fuck” yet again before the stranger reappeared behind him. The imposter Yamato entered his back and pierced cleanly through his stomach, fully reopening his old wound with surgical like precision.

_(He knew that asshole had noticed.)_

With a fluid and well-practiced motion, the stranger withdrew his blade with a savage twist of his wrist, causing Nero’s blood to splatter across the numerous books surrounding him.

_(Teleporting should be considered cheating.)_

He legs gave out from underneath him and he collapsed onto the ground in an undignified and jumbled heap. He could feel the foreign substance in his body almost rejoicing as it creeped deeper into his bloodstream. It felt like ice water sinking into his veins.

Nero could only watch as the stranger silently examined his blade. Through the haze of agony overtaking his mind, he realized the stranger’s version of Yamato was coated in the strange black substance instead of blood.

“Who was he?” Arkham asked.

The stranger ran one gloved finger down the blade, gathering some of the oily fluid on his fingertips for closer examination. The substance shifted and moved on its own but made no attempt to attack as the stranger rubbed his fingertips together. “An amateur.”

_(Nero would have been very offended if he hadn’t been busy currently dying on the ground.)_

“We have much to do.” Arkham said. “We should go.”

“Yes.” The stranger answered simply. He spared Nero one last glance as he expertly resheathed his sword. “My name is Vergil.”

Nero had just enough time to think that name sounded oddly familiar before he passed out again. 

 


	2. Grasp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL THIS IS AWKWARD: Some of you just got an alert for this story, and you're like, "Wait, what the hell was this one about again?" because I didn't update this in, oh, like three years. I'm going to explain a bit why in the notes at the end of this chapter so I don't ruin the mood, but if you just got an alert, I want to encourage you to reread the first chapter, not just because it's been forever but also because I fully rewrote it and re-uploaded it so it's now longer and includes new plot stuff.
> 
> Now onto the good stuff...

 

Nero’s first thoughts upon waking up were, _“Ow_.”

Everything hurt. If he hadn’t known better, he would have sworn his entire body was literally made of pain and regret that’d been formed into something vaguely shaped like a human.

_(One of the arms of the mold had been a little bit off apparently.)_

Even his fingernails seemed to be aching fiercely.

_(This was the second time today that he’d woken up face down and bleeding heavily in a strange place after being impaled by an asshole and boy was he not happy about it.)_

_(At least he’d bled mystery goo all over that Vergil guy’s fake ass sword. With any luck, it’d infect him and his smug face too.)_

_(It was admittedly a small comfort.)_

_(You know what, that Vergil guy was getting a minivan shoved up his ass too.)_

He tried to push himself up off the floor only to curse loudly when his arms straight up refused to support his weight and instead sent him sprawling right back to the floor.

_(Well, at least this library looked like it’d been swept recently.)_

_(Did demons have janitors or does Vergil make his creepy sidekick do all the chores?)_

There was only one thing left to do: Nero activated his devil trigger and barely resisted the urge to openly cheer when the ghostly apparition appeared over him to guard his back while his wounds slowly knitted themselves back together. He didn’t like using his devil trigger solely to heal but he had no other choice. It was either that or crawl through this god forsaken spire on his hands and knees. The pain radiating throughout his body mercifully lessened to a tolerable level but it was clear that not even his devil trigger would be able to fully heal his wounds. 

_(Seriously, how the hell was he still alive right now?)_

_(And considering he’d passed out twice already, he really hoped his devil trigger also healed slight brain damage.)_

He could feel the entry wound on his back that the false Yamato had left behind close, but the hole in his abdomen didn’t budge an inch.

_(Probably because his devil trigger wasn’t able to heal nightmares.)_

Nero pulled up his shirt again to confirm and yeah, not only had the wound not improved at all, it seemed to be getting worse. It probably wasn’t a good sign that not even his devil trigger could fight off whatever it was he’d been injected with.

He’d have to be careful to not overuse his devil trigger. The whole transformation thing was still new to him and it drained him more than he liked to admit. If he relied too heavily on the demonic power, he’d ended up exhausted and in even worse shape than he was now.

His ghostly protector faded away as he finally found the strength to pull himself to his feet. The healing was nowhere near complete but it was enough to keep him upright. Maybe if he was lucky, his wounds would continue to improve with every use of his devil trigger.

Nero had a new goal in mind as he left the library and cautiously checked his surroundings to make sure he wasn’t in risk of immediately stumbling into Vergil and his horrorshow of a sidekick again. He’d been impaled twice today and that was frankly two times too many. He wasn’t exactly interested in making it three times in one day.

_(He also wasn’t entirely sure he’d be able to survive a third impalement. He was still kind of surprised he’d survived the second. Vergil had plainly been aiming to kill him.)_

He needed to find Dante as fast as he could. The older hunter was probably the only ally he had for miles and as much as he hated to admit it, he’d need Dante’s help if he wanted to get out of this place in one piece.

_(Plus maybe Dante could explain just why in the hell he had a younger clone of himself running around stabbing people.)_

_(He’d also like to know just where the fuck he was.)_

Of course, he still had to find Dante first and Nero knew from personal experience that the older hunter had a way of constantly being a few steps ahead of him. His only real shot was doubling back to find where the trail of bullet holes had ended. He couldn’t afford to just run blindly in any direction anymore.

_(And if he’d been paying attention earlier, maybe he could have spared himself from wandering into the library of horrible impalements.)_

_(There was a told you so for his instructors in there somewhere.)_

He didn’t have to look very hard, at least. The trail of bullet holes hadn’t faded away, instead they just went up.

_(Of course they did. Why would you bother building stairs when you could build a series of giant trampolines instead?)_

_(Nero hated these things even when he was in perfect shape, but they were even worse when it felt like every jump was going to send your intestines spilling out of the giant hole in your stomach.)_

Nero wasn’t entirely sure what he’d been expecting to find once he reached the top of the passage way since this tower seemed to specialize in weirdness. He would have been happy to find more bullet holes pointing him in the right direction. He would have even accepted a fight.

What he hadn’t been expecting was a creepy purple clown grinning menacingly at him and what appeared to be a giant flying alligator in the sky behind him.

But that’s what he found.

“What the fuck?” Nero asked in confusion because honestly, what other response could he have possibly given in this situation?

The creepy clown laughed loudly at him, throwing his head back in an exaggerated fashion so the bells at the end of his jester hat jingled.

The clown stopped laughing when Nero pointed Blue Rose at his creepy clown face.

“What the hell are you supposed to be?” Nero growled, debating on whether he should wait for the answer or just shoot the clown immediately.

_(Did demons have a use for clowns? Did they have demonic birthday parties?)_

The clown held his hands up in a mockery of pleading for his life. “I’m an observer and you, my boy, are a gatecrasher that carries demonic power. Can you blame me for being curious?”

“Maybe you should have been curious from a distance.”

“I am Jester.” The clown announced, bowing to Nero and ignoring his distaste. “And you are?”

“Getting more irritated by the second.” Nero replied.

“You know, you remind me of someone.” Jester said, smiling tightly. “Except he was invited and you were not.”

“Who says I’m not supposed to be here?” Nero asked, carefully maneuvering to keep several steps between himself and the demented Jester. “Maybe my invitation got lost in the mail.”

_(There was no one standing in front of him.)_

**(GODDAMN IT, NOT AGAIN.)**

“I do.” The clown laughed as he flickered back into existence so close to Nero that their noses touched. “You could have been a fun distraction for our other guests, but it seems like your injuries are much too severe for you to keep up with them. Maybe you should go home, hmm?”

_(Nero really should have noticed how close to the edge he’d been standing.)_

_(The clown was apparently stronger than he looked.)_

Nero frantically reached out with his Devil Bringer as his feet slipped over the ledge, but there was nothing near enough to serve as a hand hold and stop his fall. Jester had vanished the moment he’d finished shoving Nero over the edge, so he couldn’t even get the satisfaction of bringing the clown over the edge with him.

_(Fucking teleporters.)_

It was a long way to the bottom.

....

Miraculously, Nero managed to land on something that wasn’t his head or spine.

_(Not that landing on his ass had been any more dignified or any less painful.)_

He’d crashed through several layers of stone ceilings and the only thing that had prevented him from becoming a bright red smear on the floor was his devil trigger. He’d landed in some dimly lit circular room _(which now had a new sky light. You’re welcome, demons.)_ Nero lay on the ground alternating between thinking about how he kept ending up sprawled on dirty floors and wondering if it was possible to jar your spine so badly that it actually came out of the top of your head. _(It sort of felt like the answer was yes.)_

He would have continued to lay there and at least attempt to recover if not for the sound of someone pointing a gun at him.

_(Goddamn it, how did he keep stumbling into situations where people who wanted to kill him got the drop on him?)_

_(Why was everything trying to kill him today? Had he offended some kind of vengeful deity?)_

Nero was on his feet with Blue Rose drawn and pointing at the enemy before he even registered the movement.

_(Thank you, demonic senses.)_

_(Thank you, spine, for still being where you belong.)_

_(If nothing else, today was quickly becoming solid proof that he was really good at surviving horrible injuries.)_

_(He would have preferred a different talent.)_

The person aiming his guns at Nero’s head was still mostly in the shadows, but he was at least human shaped instead of demon shaped. All he could really make out was a vague shape in a red coat. For a brief second, he thought it might be Dante but this guy was both shorter and slimmer than the older hunter.

“Look pal.” Nero began, lowering Blue Rose just enough that he wasn’t pointing it right at the stranger but he could still pull the trigger in an instant should this guy suddenly rush him. “I don’t know who you are but I’m not looking for a fight right now. How about we both go our separate ways and pretend we never saw each other?”

The stranger fired one shot, but instead of it hitting Nero, it sailed over his shoulder. “I don’t think you have a choice in the fight.”

Nero turned his head to watch several more demons appear behind him around the body of their fallen comrade. They were small fries and not much of a threat, but at least this guy was shooting at them instead of at Nero. He drew Red Queen and slashed the nearest demon in half. Its body ignited into flames that spread across the pack of demons. At least these guys wouldn’t take a lot of effort to wipe out.

“Are you going to help or are you just going to watch?” Nero called over his shoulder.

“Huh, well if you can’t handle it on your own.” The stranger replied cockily as he fired several more shots at the demons surrounding them. “I guess I can spare a few minutes.”

The way this guy fought was incredibly familiar, but Nero couldn’t fight with his injuries and spare enough attention to keep an eye on the stranger fighting alongside him. He still hadn’t gotten a good luck at the stranger and in between the blasts of fire and wind from his swords, all Nero got was the occasional glimpse of red coat while he fought.

There were four demons in total surrounding Nero and he needed to wrap this fight up quickly. Not only did he want to avoid as much fighting as he could while he was injured, he also didn’t want to have to resort to using his devil trigger against these small fries in front of the other man.

_(His ego was bruised enough.)_

He easily stepped to the side to avoid a swipe from the closest demon, only to have to dodge again to avoid a small tornado of fire and wind that caught the demon and sent it flying into the wall.

_(Oh, it’s like that is it?)_

Nero was ready this time. The stranger moved to attack another demon, but Nero was faster. He caught the fiend with his Devil Bringer and slammed it against the floor. It landed with a sickening but also oddly satisfying crunch.

The stranger laughed loudly as he fought. “Looks like you got a few tricks up your sleeve!”

“You’re not so bad yourself!” Nero called back. Why did this guy seem so familiar?

After that, he and the other man fell in sync like they’d been fighting together for years. Nero couldn’t complain about having backup and between the two of them, the demons were nothing but an easily dispatched nuisance. The demons were all dead within minutes and while the wound on Nero’s stomach burned and pulled tightly while he reshouldered Red Queen, he was at least still standing and hadn’t taken any more blows.

He turned to introduce himself to his mysterious ally.

_Wait, what?_

Nero’s brain couldn’t seem to make sense of who he was staring at. At first glance, he was sure it was Dante but like before, this guy was way too young. His next guess was Vergil, but this guy was too friendly and way too underdressed to be Mr. Impalement-Before-Introductions.

_(Anyone who wore a full coat and a scarf in the middle of the summer wasn’t going to start running around shirtless.)_

_(Goddamn it, did Dante have two asshole sons running around?)_

_(At least this one hadn’t stabbed him.)_

_(Yet.)_

There were a million questions Nero wanted to ask right now, but instead of asking something more prudent or even introducing himself, Nero’s brain decided on, “Are you seriously shirtless right now?”

“I’ll try to dress up for you next time.” The guy quipped. “But you have to admit, I make this look good.”

_(Nero was either more brain damaged than he originally thought, or this guy was flirting with him.)_

“Right.” Nero said warily. “Thanks for the help back there.”

“You looked like you needed it.” The stranger said bluntly. He circled Nero and then stopped to lean over to get a closer look at his Devil Bringer. “That’s a crazy arm you got there.”

“Damn thing drives me crazy.” Nero replied honestly, though he pulled the offending arm slightly behind him and away from the stranger. He still wasn’t a fan of being stared at like a circus freak.

“I bet it’s great for reading in the dark.” The other man joked. “You got a name?”

“It’s Nero.”

“Nero, huh?” The stranger repeated. “I’m Dante.”

_“What?”_ Nero asked in confusion, hoping he’d heard wrong. 

“My name is Dante.” The other hunter replied slowly, as though he thought Nero was equally as slow.

“I know this is a weird question, but would you happen to be named after your Father?” Nero asked.

Dante snorted. “I’m not named after anyone.”

“Are you with Vergil?” Nero asked, becoming increasingly more aware of the fact his voice was sounding farther and farther away.

( _Don’t you dare pass out again.)_

_(Please don’t let this be what I think this is.)_

“So you’ve met my dear older brother.” Dante said darkly. “What’d ya think?”

“He impaled me.” Nero told him. “He’s kind of a dick.”

“He does that.” Dante laughed, though he sounded bitter. “You alright? You look like you’re gonna hurl.”

“Oh, I’m really just hoping I have brain damage right now.” Nero told him as he sank back to the ground. He suddenly really needed to sit down.

_(Sitting down was better than fainting, right?)_

_(He suddenly realized why the name Vergil had sounded familiar. He’d heard it before.)_

_(It sounded familiar because Dante had once told him he’d had a brother named Vergil who wielded Yamato before him.)_

_(He’d also mentioned the fact that his brother was dead.)_

_(Except Vergil wasn’t currently dead. Vergil seemed to be alive and well and stabbing people with the same sword Nero was carrying.)_

_(That fucking demon hadn’t just sent him to a different city; it’d sent him back in time.)_

_(Please let this be severe brain damage and not actually reality.)_

Dante snorted and holstered his guns. “Well good luck with that, kid. But I’ve got places I need to be.”

_(Of course the asshole still called him kid when they were the same age.)_

“You’re leaving?” Nero asked in surprise as Dante started to walk away. He winced at how needy that sounded. Of course Dante was going to leave, Nero was a stranger to him and he had no reason to stick around.

“I don’t have time to play nursemaid.” Dante said, turning slightly to face him. “You’re strong, but you’re hurt. I can’t run the risk of you slowing me down.”

“You’ve seen what I can do.” Nero pointed out in protest. “I could help.”

“I don’t need your help. None of this is any of your business.” Dante shot back and Nero got the definite sense he’d just hit a sore spot.

“I need your help.” Nero reluctantly admitted.

“What do you want, a date?” Dante asked while smirking. “Because this isn’t the most romantic setting.”

“No, I don’t want a date.” Nero snapped, unnerved by how flirtatious this younger version of Dante was. Older Dante had never hit on him. “I want to know what the hell is going on.”

“It’s the end of the world, kid. What more do you need to know?” Dante asked, gearing up to walk away.

“I know this sounds crazy.” Nero began desperately. “But I think I might be from the future.”

Dante burst out laughing at him. “That’s definitely a new line.”

Nero growled in frustration. “I can prove it, asshole.”

“Oh yeah?” Dante asked. “How?”

Nero held out his Devil Bringer and summoned Yamato. The sword appeared in his hand in a flash of blue light. Dante sobered instantly at the sight of the blade. “How else would I have this?”

Dante snatched Yamato out of his hand and Nero let him take it without a fight. He watched silently as the other hunter turned the blade over in his hands as he examined it.

“And why the hell do you have my brother’s sword in the future?” Dante finally asked when he realized the blade in his hands was genuine and not a clever copy.

“Because you gave it to me.” Nero said honestly, summoning the blade back to him. It reappeared in his hand as Dante looked at him in surprise.

“Why would I have Vergil’s sword in the first place? He’d die before he’d let me take it.”

“I’m pretty sure he did.” Nero said bluntly and then wished he could stick his foot in his mouth.

Dante went silent beside him for a long time as he absorbed what Nero had just told him. “You know this is fucking insane, right?”

“Believe me, you’re preaching to the goddamn choir!” Nero snapped as he reabsorbed Yamato into his Devil Bringer. 

“I don’t have time to deal with this shit.” Dante growled. “Get yourself out of here and find a safe spot to hide. I’ll find you once this is all over.”

“I could help you.” Nero protested.

“I already told you that I don’t need your help!” Dante snapped. “This is something I need to do on my own, so get your ass out of here and wait for me to catch up.”

“Fine.” Nero angrily agreed. He and Dante were on even ground now, so why did he still feel like a kid that was being scolded? “I’ll find a place to hunker down.”

“Good.” Dante said simply as he stalked away, leaving Nero to stand alone in the rubble of the destroyed room.

Nero waited a whole minute before deciding he was going to follow Dante anyway.

.....

Dante was as hard to track now as he had been in Fortuna. Nero knew the other hunter wasn’t stupid despite the lazy front he put on, Dante would suspect that Nero was going to attempt to follow him and that meant he’d stopped leaving Nero an obvious trail of bullet holes to follow.

But in the end, all Nero had to do was head upwards. Anything worth fighting in a giant evil demonic tower was going to be near the top and Dante would definitely be heading towards the strongest things in the tower.

He just had to take care to avoid:

  1. Anything else that wanted to violently impale him. _(Which seemed to be most things in this goddamn tower.)_
  2. Smug assholes in blue coats that were supposed to be dead. _(He could easily see why Vergil had ended up dead at such a young age. That tends to happen when you piss off everyone you interact with.)_
  3. Evil clowns. _(He still couldn’t believe there was an actual evil clown running around.)(This whole situation was so fucked up.)_



Besides, Dante would have done the same thing if their positions had been reversed so Nero didn’t feel too badly about ignoring the other hunter’s wishes. He could follow Dante without getting mixed up in his fight if that what he wanted, but there was no way in hell he was just going to sit on his ass and wait for Dante to find him.

_(He also didn’t want to slow down and give the reality of his situation the time to really sink in, because he was surely going to have a massive mental breakdown when he finally accepted he was back in time with no idea of how to get back to his own time.)_

So Nero climbed.

.....

The whole goddamn tower was still eerily silent as Nero made his way through the hallways. This was awful for avoiding the endless abyss of dread that came with realizing you were back in time, but excellent for dodging rocket launcher strikes aimed at your head.

_(He wasn’t even surprised anymore. Of course someone was trying to kill him with a rocket launcher. Why the hell not?)_

_(How do you even comfortably carry a fucking rocket launcher with you?)_

Nero slid several feet backwards, easily avoiding the blast as he reached behind him to ready Red Queen for a fight in case he needed her. The smoke hadn’t cleared yet, but he could sense whoever was gunning for him wasn’t a demon and Nero was hesitant to openly attack a human until he knew what was going on.

He had to admit though; he hadn’t been expecting a girl to launch herself through the smoke screen with a very large bayonet aimed right at his chest.

_(No fucking thank you.)_

_(Third time was not a charm when it came to being impaled.)_

He blocked the blow with his Devil Bringer easily, surprising even himself. He’d fought so many demons recently that he’d forgotten just how much of an advantage he had against humans with his demonic abilities. Even with his injuries, he was able to keep up with her barrage of attacks. She was talented, but it was obvious she didn’t have as much experience in close quarters combat as Nero did and she was clearly tired.

_(She also looked vaguely familiar too, but it was always so hard to place someone when they were trying to murder you.)_

Nero pressed his advantage, taking care to stay close enough that she couldn’t fire another rocket at him without also hurting herself. She faltered briefly at having him so close, and he took the opportunity to lock the large ghostly hand of his Devil Bringer around her rocket launcher, bring the fight to a standstill.

“Now,” Nero said, only slightly annoyed considering she’d just tried to kill him, “will you at least tell me why you’re attacking me?”  

_(Lady, Nero realized in surprise. He’d only seen her a few times from afar in Fortuna during the Sanctus incident and she’d looked far different but he knew she was part of Dante’s crew.)_

_(Holy fuck, how young is she right now?)_

Lady blinked once in confusion as she got a clear look at his face but then her eyes narrowed again as she took in his arm. “So you’re a demon too.”

“Do you attack everyone just in case they’re a demon?” Nero asked in annoyance. He was really getting tired of people constantly attacking him. “I was just minding my own business.”

“It’s normal to attack monsters, isn’t it?” She snapped, trying to pull her weapon out of his grip. She wasn’t having much luck with that.

“I’m not letting go until you answer me.” Nero told her.

“I thought you were someone else.” Lady admitted.

“Dante or Vergil?” Nero sighed. It figures that the Sparda brothers found a way to cause him trouble even when they weren’t around.

“I was looking for Vergil.” Lady said warily.

“Well, I’m not him.” Nero snapped, pointing out the obvious. “If I let go of this, are you going to shoot me with it?”

“Maybe.” Lady snapped back at him. Nero grumbled to himself but let go of her weapon. There was a tense standoff before Lady shouldered the rocket launcher.

“I’ve got a bone to pick with Vergil myself.” Nero told her. “Did he attack you too?”

_(Does he just attack everybody he meets? No wonder he’s dead.)_

“He killed my Father.” Lady shouted at him. “He manipulated him into killing my Mother and transformed him into a demon. He has to pay.”

“His creepy sidekick was your Father?” Nero asked in surprise.

_(At least there wasn’t much of a family resemblance.)_

Lady aimed the rocket launcher at his face again.

“Sorry.” Nero apologized hastily. The rocket launcher probably wouldn’t kill him, but he definitely didn’t want to test it.

“He used to be different.” Lady said quietly.

“Vergil is too fast for you.” Nero said, hoping to change the subject. He’d never been very good at comforting people and a creepy demonic tower didn’t seem like the place to start practicing. “He’ll kill you.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Lady said with grim determination. “I have to do this even if it kills me. He destroyed my family.”

He couldn’t claim to know much about family because he’d never had one until Kyrie and Credo had taken him in, but he did know how to recognize when someone couldn’t be talked out of what was admittedly a really, really bad idea. “I could help you.”

“I’d never accept help from a demon.” Lady said in disgust. “I’ll let you live for now, but I’m not leaving here until every last demon is dead.”

_(Charming.)_

_(How in the hell had Dante convinced her to join him?)_

“Can you at least tell me where they’re headed?” Nero called at her retreating form.

“And why would I tell you that?” Lady asked.

He shrugged. “Maybe we’ll kill each other and make your job easier.”

Lady considered his words briefly before she smirked. “They’re headed towards the control room in the basement.”

_(Son of a bitch.)_

_(Why couldn’t they be heading to the control room in the attic?)_

.....

Finding the control room was a task easier said than done and it raised a lot of questions like:

  1. Why did a giant demonic tower even need a control room? Was this place actually a weapon? Did it have a delicate plumbing system? Either way, this was definitely bad news for the surrounding city.
  2. How the hell was everyone in his goddamn tower faster than him?
  3. Did he miss a convenient kiosk selling maps with highlighted shortcuts? Were there signs he just wasn’t noticing?
  4. Why was the so called basement control room in what seemed to be the middle of the tower? Shouldn’t the library and control room switch places?
  5. Why was everybody staring at him?
  6. Where the hell did all this blood come from?



Dante, Vergil and Lady had all beaten him to the basement-that-definitely-wasn’t-actually-a-basement and they all had their weapons drawn and pointing at the creepy jester from earlier.

_(Yeah, he’d definitely missed something.)_

_(Oh well.)_

“Didn’t I tell you to leave?” Dante snapped at him without taking his eyes off the clown as Nero drew his own sword and joined what may be the weirdest fight he’d ever seen.

_(The clown had pushed him off the tower after all. Why not get a little payback?)_

_(Reluctant team up between two demon hunters, an impalement happy asshole and an angry human vs. a creepy clown didn’t even sound like it’d make a good b horror movie.)_

_(How had he ended up here?)_

“There’s no way you thought I was actually going to listen.” Nero pointed out. “Besides, I have to pay this guy back for earlier.” He pointed his sword at Virgil.

Virgil smirked at him. “An amateur like you could never lay a hand on me.”

“You just got beaten by a dude in a clown suit.” Dante pointed out.

“Shut up, Dante.” Vergil snapped angrily. Oh so he wasn’t always so calm and collected.

“I’m sorry I missed that.” Nero said honestly because goddamn, he would have paid good money to see Vergil get his ass handed to him by a clown. “I really missed something, didn’t I?”

“Dude, you have no idea.” Dante said.

“Will you all shut up!” Lady snapped. “Now is really not the time for your idiotic banter.”

“Yes, do shut up.” The clown that was suddenly Arkham said, agreeing with Lady.

_Wait, what?_

_“_ Told you.” Dante said in response to Nero’s obvious confusion.

“All this posturing is useless.” Arkham said. “You’re all too weak to stop me.”

“Wanna bet?” Dante growled as he rushed Arkham. Vergil and Lady instantly joined the attack as well. Nero had no idea what was going on, but he wasn’t about to be left behind. He pointed Red Queen at Arkham’s chest and joined the fight.

_(There was no one standing in front of them.)_

_(Goddamn did that get old fast.)_

Their four weapons clashed against each other as Arkham reappeared beside them and wasted no time in sweeping them all off their feet.

_(It would have been comical if it hadn’t preceded an ass kicking.)_

_(Okay, it was a little comical to see both Vergil and Dante caught so off guard.)_

_(It was far less comical to be tossed through the air like a rag doll as the ground they’d been standing on began to shake violently and rise through the air.)_

All four of them were thrown over the edge of the rising platform as Arkham laughed at them. Nero tried to keep track of the others as they fell, but he was a little bit too preoccupied by not being crushed by falling rocks to really pay too much attention to where everyone else landed.

_(Just how many times was he going to have to crash through stone ceilings?)_

He landed in a dark hallway that appeared to be several stories belong where he’d originally started and he seemed to be alone.

_(Dante was going to have to explain so many things to him when they all got out of here.)_

_(Where the hell was he now?)_

_(And where was everyone else?)_

_(Well at least he hadn’t ended up alone with Vergil.)_

Nero sighed out loud in the dark as he resigned himself to the fact that he was going to have to climb this tower yet again. He’d been separated from the others, but Arkham was clearly headed to the top and that meant the others would be heading upwards with the goal of beheading a clown in mind.

And Nero had every intention of joining them.

The tower seemed to be rotating and shifting around him, but he had no interest in even trying to navigate the changing hallways. He had his Devil Bringer and that meant all he had to do was climb.

.....

You could see for miles from the top of the tower.

_(It would have been a great view if not for the sinister red light, unholy toiling bells overhead and the burning, gore splattered city down below.)_

He found Lady waiting silently at the top of the tower, her mismatched eyes focused intently on the red portal rising from the middle of the platform.

“Are you going?” She asked him as he walked up beside him.

“It’s not exactly my fight.” Nero pointed out. “And I wasn’t really invited either.”

“It is your fight now.” Lady pointed out. “You’re tangled up in it too now.”

“I’m not at my best.” Nero admitted.

“Neither are they.” Lady said seriously.

_(Oh.)_

“You’re worried they won’t be able to stop your father.” Nero said in realization. “You want me to help them.”

“I would never ask a demon for help.” Lady repeated but the words sounded empty and hollow in her mouth.

Nero frowned silently as he weighed his options. This truly wasn’t his fight; if he really was in the past, this situation had clearly been cleared up without his help the first time around. He had no reason to involve himself in this mess when he was injured.

But on the other hand, both Vergil and Arkham had attacked him and he’d never really been that good at the whole turn the other cheek thing.

_(Plus he couldn’t exactly ignore Lady’s request.)_

“I’m going.” Nero announced, making up his mind. “Wish me luck.”

Lady didn’t respond but he hadn’t expected her to.

_(This was a bad idea.)_

.....

Nero had a lot of questions like:

  1. Why did the power of Sparda turn Arkham into a giant purple blob?
  2. Why were there dolphins involved? The Order had forced him to sit through endless sermons about Sparda and not once had anyone ever mentioned his ability to summon aquatic friends.
  3. How had he ended up in a dirty river in the demon world, watching the sons of Sparda try to bleed each other dry?
  4. Why the hell didn’t Yamato ever listen to him the way the sword seemed to listen to Vergil?
  5. Why wouldn’t Yamato shut the hell up?



_(Wait what?)_

After things in Fortuna had calmed down after the Sanctus incident, Nero had hunted down and read every piece of information about devil arms that he could find and while they had all mentioned that the weapons had a mind of their own and were capable of communicating, Yamato had never made any attempt to speak with him.

Until now.

The sword had started whispering to him the in the back of his mind as soon as he stepped foot in that portal and joined the sons of Sparda in their fight. Maybe Nero had no idea how Vergil had died or what happened in those years between then and Yamato finding its way to Nero, but the sword clearly remembered and it didn’t seem eager to repeat any of it.

_“Save Vergil.”_ The sword whispered for what felt like the hundredth time. 

“I’m not going to jump in the middle of a fight to defend someone who tried to kill me.” Nero protested.

_(He was currently standing in a dirty river in hell, in the past, watching two brothers fight each other to the death after they’d just joined up to defeat an evil clown and now he was talking to himself.)_

_(If today got any weirder, he just might throw himself into the fight. Death might be a sweet release from this bullshit.)_

_(Not to mention that he was just a little annoyed that the sword could apparently speak with him but couldn’t be bothered to tell him just what the fuck was going on until now.)_

_(He didn’t even know what he was supposed to save Vergil from.)_

_“Do not let him fall.”_ The sword answered.   

“That is infuriatingly vague.” Nero pointed out, watching the fight closely.

_(Here comes the final blow.)_

 

Dante and Vergil charged at each other with the clear intention of killing one another. It was obvious to Nero that neither were pulling their punches and there was no mercy in their movement. They swung at the same time and while both remained standing, the bright arc of blood surrounding Vergil was all he needed to know who the victor was.

_(Well at least someone had gotten some payback for being impaled.)_

He approached the pair of brothers carefully. He couldn’t hear what they were saying but from the way Vergil was stumbling, it was only a matter of a time before he collapsed from his wounds. Yamato’s urging grew with every step he took though he still didn’t understand why; Dante seemed to be reaching for Vergil, not trying to land a killing blow as the pair approached the edge of the river.

_(Oh.)_

_(How over dramatic.)_

_(Why wouldn’t you throw yourself off a cliff instead of admitting defeat?)_

_(Yamato could have mentioned he meant don’t let him literally fall.)_

Dante reached out frantically for his brother, but Vergil landed a well-placed slice that blocked Dante’s attempts to catch him. He was already out of Dante’s reach.

But he was still well within Nero’s grasp. The phantom hand of his Devil Bringer wrapped securely around Vergil.

_(He’d been too worried about hurting her to try rescuing Kyrie like this but he wasn’t entirely over concerned if he crushed a few of Vergil’s ribs.)_

Vergil was still fighting as Nero hauled him back over the edge and a combination of his injuries and his arms being pinned meant the blue devil was no match for the Devil Bringer’s strength.

_(That’s enough of that.)_

Nero tightened his grip and debated on whether or not it’d ruin the moment to slam him against the floor like a giant basketball when Vergil went limp in his grasp and lost consciousness. He awkwardly dropped him in the river at Dante’s feet.

Dante was staring at Nero like he’d forgotten the other man was even there and he was clearly getting ready to ask Nero something but there wasn’t any time for questions.

_(He also wasn’t entirely sure how to tell someone you saved their homicidal brother because a sword was threatening you.)_

“Either grab him, or leave him behind like he wanted.” Nero snapped before Dante could form a sentence. “We have to get the hell out of here before we’re trapped.”

Dante hesitated, flicking his eyes between his collapsing surroundings and his brother’s still form.

_(It was going to be awkward if Vergil drowned in this river before Dante decided what to do with him.)_

Finally, he threw Vergil’s body over his shoulder and gestured towards the portal. “Let’s go!”

After that, it was a mad sprint to escape both hell and the rapidly crumbling tower. There was no time to slow down, all they could do was run and jump over the edge of the spire in an attempt to escape without being caught in the blast zone.

It was a long fall to the ground and the impact seemed to travel throughout Nero’s body. It was only Dante grabbing the back of his coat that prevented him from crumbling to his knees when they landed. Vergil didn’t even stir despite the commotion surrounding them.

“You saved him?” Nero looked up to find Lady waiting for them, her eyes locked on the unconscious body over Dante’s shoulder.

“Nah.” Dante said. He pointed towards Nero. “He did.”

“Why?” Lady asked, which to be fair, was a good question.

“It’s uh, a long story.” Nero told her awkwardly.

_(What had he just done?)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So why did I not update this in ages? Because when I first started plotting it out, I was serving as a caregiver to my terminally ill father. We lost him suddenly and I had an honest to god mental breakdown. Not in the dramatic sense, but in the very literal sense. It took a long, long time for me to consider writing in even my journal, let alone feel up to plotting out and writing fanfic. I'm doing a lot better now and I'm back in the writing game.
> 
> YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO WAIT FOREVER FOR FURTHER UPDATES. I have this entire story plotted out and now it's just a matter of writing the chapters. I'm aiming for one new chapter every two weeks at the latest because I feel like an asshole for leaving it unfinished for so long. Thank you all so much for your kudos and bookmarks. You're the best.


	3. Awake

In the end, it was only Dante’s exhausted protests that saved Nero from being forced to tell Lady the whole convoluted story right then and there in the middle of the rubble.

_(Which was one hell of a relief, because Nero had no idea how you were supposed to approach the whole “well, I’m actually from the future and I saved a homicidal maniac who just attempted genocide of the entire human race, thus changing the future, because a demonic sentient sword that lives in my arm told me to. Also, your shirt is a lot smaller in the future.” conversation without immediately taking a giant rocket to the face.)_

_(Not to mention that he’d used the last of his strength in the dash to escape from the collapsing tower and if he didn’t get some sleep soon, Dante was going to have to throw him over his other shoulder and carry him to wherever he was going to stay.)_

_(Which he’d allow to happen exactly never.)_

“Fine.” Lady finally relented, glaring daggers at the both of them. “But I want the whole story next time I see you.”

“We heard you the first time, Lady.” Dante replied with a definite edge of irritation to his voice.

_(Nero had the distinct feeling that the only thing saving Lady from being on the receiving end of several rude gestures was the fact that Dante was still balancing Vergil’s unresponsive body over his shoulder.)_

“Then make sure you remember that.” Lady snapped at him as she slung her rocket launcher over her shoulder.

“Women.” Dante muttered under his breath as they watched her walk away. He turned his attention to Nero and took in his decidedly unsteady posture. “You got a place to stay?”

“Oh yeah.” Nero replied as sardonically as possible. “I took the time to find my own place and put down a security deposit before I got dragged into this mess.”

“Yeah, you’re definitely not getting that security deposit back.” Dante quipped as he re-adjusted Vergil. “Besides, I told you to leave. _You’re_ the one who decided to stick your nose in someone else’s business.”

“If I hadn’t, your brother would be dead right now.” Nero pointed out, exhaustion making him far more short-tempered than he wanted to be.

He hadn’t expected his response to make Dante as somber as it did. “Yeah, he would be.” The other hunter agreed. “C’mon. I guess you can crash with me for a while.”

“What’s the catch?” Nero asked suspiciously as he followed a few steps behind Dante.

“I’m hurt.” Dante told him in an exaggerated tone of insult. “I can’t believe you’d ever believe there was a catch.”

“I can’t believe you’d ever think I’m dumb enough to think you’d let me stay with you for free out of the kindness of your heart.” Nero said dryly.                      

“Demons don’t have hearts.” Dante replied. “Maybe you do know me better than I thought.”

“You’re an asshole in the future too.”

“Hurtful.” Dante laughed. “You want a place to stay or not?”

“I don’t have anything but the clothes on my back.” Nero pointed out seriously. “And I can make my own way if I need to. I don’t want to deal with you holding this mover my head.”

The other hunter sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his eyes like he was trying to think through a headache. “Look kid, right now all I want to think about is a beer and a shower. We’ll work out the details later but I’m not the type to take advantage of someone. Deal?”

Nero paused and considered his options:

  1. He could probably find a cardboard box somewhere to sleep in. _( **Pros** : He wouldn’t have to share a confined space with a man who just tried to end the world as we know it. **Cons** : He didn’t even have a pillow and cardboard kind of made him itchy.)_
  2. There was always a park bench he could claim. _( **Pros** : The hard slats would probably be good for his back. **Cons:** The city was undoubtedly still crawling with demons that now had nowhere to return to and one would absolutely try to decapitate him in his sleep.)(But then again, so would Vergil.)_
  3. He could claim an empty hotel room as his own. _( **Pros:** The city was pretty much destroyed so he wouldn’t have to worry about check out times. **Cons:** Alone in a strange city in the past? What could go wrong? Everything. Everything will go wrong here. The past sucked. Also people would eventually return and he didn’t have his wallet on him.)_
  4. He was so goddamn tired that at this point he could comfortably sleep in a dumpster. _( **Pros:** He could at least take a goddamn nap. **Cons:** It’s a goddamn dumpster.)_



“Deal.” He agreed.

_(Though he had some serious doubts about that whole “I’m not the type to take advantage” thing.)_

_(He had to give Dante props for not turning it into a “unless you want me to take advantage” innuendo though.)_

“Don’t worry about it so much. He’ll probably kill us both in our sleep once he comes around anyway.” Dante called out to him, jerking his head towards Vergil.

“Son of a bitch.” Nero cursed under his breath.

_(He should have just picked the dumpster.)_

_....._

Nero wasn’t sure where he’d been expecting Dante to lead them, but he seriously hadn’t been expecting to be led to what appeared to be a warehouse district with the occasional questionable club crammed between buildings.

_(He had no idea why he was even surprised to find out that Dante lived in the seedier side of an already seedy town.)_

_(Well, at least everything here wasn’t splattered with loads of blood.)_

_(Though he definitely didn’t want to see what the alleyways looked like under blacklight.)_

Dante noticed his raised eyebrows and simply shrugged in response. “My shop was wrecked last night. You’re lucky I even have a place for any of us to stay until I can get some repairs made.”

“Where are you even taking us?” Nero asked.

“There.” Dante replied, pointing out a nondescript two story brick building _(that looked vaguely like you’d meet your dealer there)_.

“Seems charming.” Nero commented dryly.

“I open my home to you and you insult it.” He could almost hear the sarcastic pout in Dante’s voice.

Nero just sighed in response.

Dante led him around the building and up a metal staircase around back instead of through the front door. He looked around cautiously as he followed Dante through the door. 

He had some thoughts:

  1. Shit was dark. _(He wasn’t at all surprised to find out that Dante wasn’t the type of person to go shopping for actual lamps.) (He also wasn’t surprised to realize that the neon lights spilling through the two windows were red and blue.) (Of fucking course they were.) (Life was a joke.) (If he ever had to force Dante and Vergil apart, at least their time out corners would be color coded.)_
  2. This place seemed a lot smaller than it looked from the outside. _(Who doesn’t want to share a studio apartment with two assholes?) (Vergil wouldn’t even have to take three whole steps to throttle them in the dark.) (They were definitely going to kill each other if they had to stay here for very long.)_
  3. The walls were covered in a disturbingly large amount of weaponry. _(Dante had a serious hoarding problem.) (Again, not the most comforting sight when you were sharing a small place with someone who’d already tried to kill you twice.)_
  4. This place contained furniture. _(Like actual furniture.) (More furniture than was in his own apartment.) (Who needs both a coffee table and a dining room table?) (One table is enough.)_
  5. There was only one bed. _(He wasn’t sharing a bed with Dante.) (And he definitely wasn’t snuggling up with Frosty the Stab Happy Asshole.) (He’d sleep in the goddamn bathtub if he had too.)_
  6. Everything was dusty. _(Dante was definitely going to try to make him clean this shit up.)(He definitely wasn’t going to be the person who cleaned this shit up.)_



“It’s not as bad as I thought it’d be.” Nero admitted begrudgingly. “It doesn’t look like anyone has been here in a while.”

“No one has been.” Dante admitted. “I keep this place around in case someone needs a place to sleep.”

“I’m surprised you can afford the rent.” Nero said, half joking and half serious.

_(He could barely afford his own damn rent. Who could afford two leases?)_

_(Hunting demons paid very little in terms of actual, accepted-by-humans-and-not-just-convenient-if-inexplicable-statues money.)_

_(Which was total bullshit when you thought about it because it’s not like the demon hunting business was oversaturated enough that you could get away with haggling for better prices.)_

“I own the place. You can find some great bargains when demons keep crashing through the windows. People sell cheap.”

_(Of fucking course.)_

_(That wasn’t actually a bad idea though.)_

“Great.” Nero muttered. “So I have to be worried about being attacked both inside and outside.”

“Nothing you can’t handle, kid.” Dante said dismissively like constant, never ending threats to his life were nothing more than vague annoyance like telemarketers or mosquitos. “Do me a favor and help me get him out of his coat.”

Nero’s head snapped up in alarm at the request. “You get him out of his goddamn coat. He’s your brother, not mine.”

“Hey, I’m not the one who dumped him in a river.”

“He deserved far worse than getting thrown in a river!”

“Don’t be such a coward.” Dante laughed, obviously challenging him. It was stupid and immature and it sent a bolt of anger right through Nero that told him there was no way he was going to back down.

_(Even if it meant he was about to help tuck in a man who shoved an entire sword through him.)_

_(He was such an idiot.)_

_(He might as well just get it over with. Making sure that Vergil was cozy was honestly the least weird thing that had happened to him today.)_

“You’re such a dick.” Nero ground out as he crossed the small room.

“Thanks.” Dante replied brightly as he finally shifted Vergil off his shoulder and managed to prop him up more or less on his feet. Nero couldn’t tell if he was thanking him for helping or for calling him a dick.  

It took some awkward maneuvering to actually peel the coat off of Vergil’s still form. The blue fabric was truly freezing cold and soaked all the way through ( _and Vergil absolutely deserved that) (if the freezer was bigger, Nero would have tried to shove him in there instead of the bed)_ and that meant it clung wetly to Vergil’s arms and shoulders. Goosebumps appeared on Vergil’s pale arms as Nero exposed his skin to the night air.

_(What was the point of wearing a coat and a scarf over a sleeveless shirt?)_

_(Did this guy spend so much time being angry and unreasonable because his arms were always cold?)_

_(At least Vergil had actually put on a shirt on under his coat.)_

_(Unlike some people.)_

“I’m not untying his stupid scarf.” Nero grumbled as he tossed the soaked coat in the vague direction of the couch. It may or may not have ended up crumpled on the floor instead of over the back of the couch.

_(Nero hoped it stayed permanently wrinkled.)_

_(And he also hoped the dry cleaning bill was astronomical.)_

_(And that no matter how many times it was cleaned, it smelled vaguely of whatever was in that hell river.)_

Dante responded _(like an asshole)_ by tipping Vergil backwards until Nero had no choice but to support him or play a game of **will-dropping-the-comatose-demon-on-his-face-wake-him-up-so-he-can-kill-us-both-horribly** **.**

He glared at Dante from over Vergil’s shoulder as the other hunter cheekily untied said stupid scarf and pulled it from his brother’s neck.

_(He was now officially cradling the man who tried to kill him against his chest while his twin brother undressed him.)_

_(He was so ready for this weird ass day to be over.)_

_(Please don’t let this be the moment that Vergil decides to wake up.)_

_(He didn’t seem like the kind of person who’d appreciate being hugged and then tucked in.)_

“How are you even more annoying now than you are in the future?” Nero asked as Dante finally took Vergil from him and dumped him unceremoniously on the bed _(which at least didn’t erupt in a cartoon like puff of dust)._

_(Somehow Vergil didn’t wake up despite the fact that he was definitely going to suffocate if Dante left his face pressed into the pillows like that.)_

_(Not that losing Vergil to an unfortunate pillow related accident would have been a tragedy.)_

_(It was a far cozier death than he deserved though.)_

“I prefer charming.” Dante replied easily as he pulled his brother’s boots off his feet.

“That’s the last word I’d use to describe you.”

“I’ll grow on you.” Dante said as he pulled a quilt over his brother.

_(It was weird to watch Dante put so much care into someone he’d been willing to fight to the death just hours ago.)_

_(He hadn’t expected him to actually tuck Vergil in.)_

_(And he definitely hadn’t expected Dante to absentmindedly gather up Vergil’s discarded clothing and hand it on the coat rack instead of leaving it on the floor.)_

_(He hadn’t even been expecting Dante to own a coat rack.)_

Now that Vergil was taken care of, the room seemed uncomfortably quiet to Nero, though Dante didn’t seem to notice or care. He paid Nero no mind as he returned his sword and guns to the empty spaces they were so clearly meant to occupy on his walls.

_(Nero wasn’t entirely convinced that disarming while Vergil napped nearby was a good idea.)_

“You gonna wear those the whole time?” Dante asked him as he shrugged out of his coat. With one skilled flick of the wrist, it ended up hanging next to his brother’s without him even needing to cross the room.

_(Show off.)_

_(Of course Dante was going to insist on lounging around shirtless.)_

_(Did younger Dante even own a shirt?)_

“I’m not exactly used to being roommates with someone who just attempted genocide.” Nero pointed out defensively. “Excuse me for being a little antsy.”

“How’d those weapons help you out against him earlier?”

_(He had a point.)_

_(And Nero’s shoulders were killing him anyway.)_

“You’re really not worried about him?” Nero asked curiously as he propped Red Queen against the wall and dropped Blue Rose onto the coffee table _(where he could reach them within seconds if he needed to)_. Following Dante’s example, he pulled off his own coat and draped it over one of the chairs surrounding the dining room table before collapsing into said chair. He stretched his legs out in front of him, suddenly acutely aware of how exhausted he truly was.

_(It’d been a hell of a day.)_

Dante didn’t even look up from rummaging through his fridge. “I can handle him. You want a beer?”

Nero blinked at the sudden change of subject. He got the sense that Dante really didn’t want to discuss his brother right now and Nero didn’t have the strength to press the issue right now. “I don’t drink.”

_(He also wasn’t entirely sure he could eat or drink anything right now without it leaking out through his intestines.)_

_(It was a morbid image.)_

_(He also had some doubts about Dante being able to handle his brother considering how talented Vergil seemed to be at handing people their own ass.)_

_(Unless his opponent was a clown that is.)_  

He’d been expecting a smart ass comment about his lack of drinking but Dante just shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

The other hunter dropped into the chair across from him and twisted the top off his bottle. The silence between them wasn’t the most comfortable one, and Nero was silently hoping that Dante wasn’t going to start grilling him about his story right now. He was having trouble just keeping his eyes open and he wasn’t sure he could handle an interrogation right now.

“So, I’ve been wondering.” Dante began, breaking the silence.

_(Goddamn it.)_

_(He had the worst luck.)_

“About what?” Nero sighed reluctantly as he raised his head to meet Dante’s gaze. He resigned himself to the fact that he wasn’t going to be getting any sleep anytime soon.

“You keep your copy of Yamato in that arm, right?”

_(That hadn’t been the question he’d been expecting.)_

Nero flexed the fingers of his Devil Bringer subconsciously in response. He still wasn’t used to people asking about it. “Yeah. I don’t really understand how it works.”

“Could you absorb both copies?” Dante asked with a worrying gleam in his eyes.

“What?” Nero asked in confusion, not sure if he’d heard the question right. It took a few moments until the question sunk in and he realized what Dante was actually asking him. “No. I’m not holding Vergil’s sword hostage _inside of me._ Are you insane?” 

“Why not?” Dante asked. “It’s the same sword, right? If you can absorb one, you should be able to absorb the other.”

“That’s not the goddamn problem.” Nero snapped. Could Dante honestly be that dense? “The problem is that your brother would cut my arm off if he had to.”

“He’d be willing to cut your arm off even if he didn’t have to.”

“That’s not helping to convince me.” Nero snapped.

“Does it even work like that?” Dante asked, eyeing the Devil Bringer. “He cuts off your arm and two swords just fall out?”

“I have no idea.” Nero admitted. “But I sure as hell don’t want to find out.”

“It’s the only weapon he has. You were the one worried about him attacking us.” Dante pointed out.

“Yeah, where else would he ever find another weapon?” Nero said dryly as he eyed the literal wall of weapons right beside them.

There was a strained silence between them before Dante sighed. He suddenly looked as tired as Nero felt.

“I thought I was going to be forced to kill my own brother tonight.” Dante admitted quietly, as though he loathed saying the words out loud. “I just want a chance to talk to him and no matter what happens or how angry he gets; he won’t leave without that sword.”

“Do you really think he’ll come around?” Nero asked.

_(Because Nero had some serious doubts about Vergil’s willingness to have a calm and rational conversation without trying to cause other’s grievous bodily harm.)_

“No.” Dante answered bluntly. “He’s going to fight like hell but I have to try.”

_(Well that wasn’t reassuring at all.)_

_(He hated when Dante got serious.)_

_(Don’t do it.)_

“Give me the goddamn sword.” Nero sighed, already intensely regretting this decision.

_(He really was an idiot.)_

Dante grinned at him as he stood up and retrieved Vergil’s version of Yamato from its resting place.

_(This was such a bad idea.)_

He wrapped his hand around the sheath as Dante passed the blade to him.

_(He hadn’t been expecting it to hurt.)_

He had to stifle a gasp as his Devil Bringer flared a bright blue that matched the neon light flooding Dante’s bedroom. While his version of Yamato had always seemed to slightly resist him, this version of Yamato actively fought him as he struggled to absorb it. It was like Nero could sense Virgil’s influence staining the very core of the sword.

_(He got the definite sense that Virgil had some issues to work through.)_

_(Do demons have therapists?)_

_(Maybe he actually needed more hugs.)_

It felt like ages until he could fully draw the sword into his Devil Bringer. It was like trying to force a wild animal into a cage and by the time he finished, his whole arm was shaking from the effort.

_(Maybe his version of Yamato could calm the other one down some.)_

_(Like a fucked up demonic sword slumber party.)_

_(This was seriously the weirdest goddamn day.)_

_(At least there wouldn’t be any pillow fights.)_

Dante was grinning down at him when he finally reopened his eyes. “See? I was so charming you couldn’t resist.”

It took a great deal of maturity to not immediately punch Dante in the dick.

.....

Nero didn’t realize he’d dozed off until there were hands on his shoulders shaking him awake. He was disoriented and still half asleep as he caught one of the hands in his own. “Kyrie?”

“It’s still me, kid.” Dante said, gently pulling his hand out of Nero’s grasp.

There was a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as his brain finally remembered just where the hell he was.

_(A part of him had still been hoping this all had been an awful dream.)_

“What is it?” He asked Dante tiredly.

“You’re going to regret it if you sleep in that chair.” Dante told him. That sounded infuriatingly reasonable and it pissed Nero off.

“Well I’m not snuggling up to your brother.”

“That makes two of us. You can take the couch tonight. You want a shower first?”

“Yes.” Nero answered immediately, much more awake now. After the hell he’d gone through today, there was no telling what he was covered in and he sure as hell wasn’t going to pass up the chance to clean himself up some. “How long was I out?”

“Less than an hour.” Dante told him as Nero peeled himself out of the chair. Nero’s limbs felt like lead. ‘There should still be some hot water left.”

“What a gracious host.” Nero muttered dryly.

_(Though at this point he’d be willing to shower with a water hose.)_

“Bathroom’s through there.” Dante told him, pointing at literally the only door that could possibly lead to a bathroom.

“Thanks.” Nero said, almost biting his tongue in an attempt to not call Dante an idiot.

.....

Dante had apparently decided to save every light in his apartment for his bathroom because the room was stark white and so bright it actually hurt Nero’s eyes. He almost needed sunglasses to look in the damn mirror.

He looked awful.

There were dark circles under his eyes and his face was streaked with dirt and sweat. There was a dried trail of blood still staining his temple and hairline from a scrape that had already healed up.

_(At least something was healing.)_

_(No wonder people kept trying to kill him. He looked like the walking dead.)_

He cupped his hands under the faucet and splashed his face with cold water until the water circling the drain was no longer brown with dirt. It didn’t help with the dark circles but at least he looked more like himself.

He tossed his hoodie aside and was halfway out of his shirt when Dante slammed the door open. “What the fuck?” Nero snapped, half in surprise and half in anger because seriously, _what the fuck._

_(He should have known Dante wasn’t the knocking type.)_

_(What kind of asshole doesn’t have a lock on his bathroom door?)_

“Chill out. I was just bringing you these.” Dante told him, laughing at his irritation. He held out a bundle of clothes to Nero. “Unless you want to put those back on after your shower.

Nero really didn’t. He accepted the clothing warily. “I’m not sleeping in leather pants.” He warned. He’d seen Dante’s wardrobe before and he was pretty sure it consisted mostly of leather and a baffling amount of belts.

“Not just anyone can get into my leather pants.” Dante replied without missing a beat.

_(He’d walked right into that one.)_

Dante still wasn’t leaving. 

“What now?” Nero sighed. All he wanted was a shower without an audience.

“What’s up with the bandages?” Dante asked, nodding towards his stomach.

_(Goddamn it.)_

It’s nothing.” Nero replied, inwardly cursing how perceptive the other hunter was. Dante couldn’t have gotten more than a glance at his bandages but he was staring at him as though he already knew everything.

“It didn’t look like it was nothing.”

“You barely saw anything.” Nero protested, pressing one hand protectively over the wound.

“I have excellent eye sight.” Dante replied. “Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot.”

“The demon that sent me back here got a lucky shot in. I’ll be fine.”

“It was a demon that sent you back here?” Dante asked, his eyebrows knit slightly together.

“Well I didn’t fall into a goddamn portal.” Nero sighed, leaning against the sink. “Do we really have to talk about this now?”

“Weren’t you hurt hours ago though?” Dante questioned, pointedly ignoring Nero’s protests. “You have demonic blood but no healing ability to go with it? Talk about a raw fucking deal.”

“I heal just fine.” Nero snapped and then winced. When was he going to learn to keep his big mouth shut?

_(Never because he was clearly a moron.)_

“Show me.” Dante demanded suddenly, stepping into the bathroom as he closed the door behind him. There was barely enough room in the bathroom for one person, let alone two.

“No.” Nero objected quickly, alarmed at the idea. Dante was standing so close to him that he could see the water droplets forming at the ends of the other hunter’s damp hair. “I said it was fine.”

“Then what’s the harm in showing me?” Dante asked innocently.

“You’re not leaving until I do, are you?” Nero sighed in open frustration, knowing that there was no possibility of Dante dropping it. Why did he have to end up staying with someone as stubborn as he was?

“Figured that out on your own?”

There was a tense standoff, both of them staring at each other until Nero finally cracked. He cursed as he pulled his shirt over his head. “You’re infuriating.”

He self-consciously unwound the bandages as slowly as he could. He was still unnerved by how close Dante was and it felt strangely intimate to have someone beside him as he examined his wounds.

_(He hadn’t even let Kyrie see him when he was hurt.)_

_(Bless her for knowing how to respect other people’s privacy.)_

_(Unlike some people.)_

“Holy shit.” Dante said as he pulled the rest of the bandages away. That had to be the least reassuring response possible. “That does not look fine.”

“It is healing.” Nero said defensively. It _was_ healing, but somehow that just made it look worse. The edges weren’t a jagged mess anymore, but they were still raw and red. Even more worrying was the bruised tinge the veins surrounding the wound had taken on.

_(He really did not want to think about whatever he’d been injected with spending through his blood stream.)_

Dante placed a hand on his chest and tipped Nero’s upper body backwards so he could see the wound more clearly. “You’re telling me this has looked worse?”

“You could say that.” Nero said uncomfortably. He took a step backwards to dislodge himself from Dante’s grasp.

Unfortunately, Dante was faster than he was. The other hunter pressed a firm hand to the wound before Nero could react. He pressed against the wound and a bolt of agony shot down Nero’s spine as the strange black substance gushed out of the wound. It ran between Dante’s fingers in glaring contrast with his pale skin.  

Nero shoved Dante backwards as hard as he could, not even caring when his back collided with the bathroom door in a loud bang that sounded painful.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Nero snapped, still breathless from the pain.

_(Because seriously, **what the fuck?** )_

“Just trying to help.” Dante said with a shrug as he wiped his hands on the nearest towel. “That needs to be drained.” The gleam in his eyes was the same one he’d had when he convinced Nero to absorb Vergil’s copy of Yamato.

_(And he never wanted to see that look ever again.)_

  “No.” Nero said seriously. “You stay the hell away from me.”

“If it heals with whatever that is inside you, you’ll have to cut yourself open.” Dante said, equally serious. “You know I’m right.”

“I know that you’re an asshole.” Nero said, trying to ignore how much it would suck for him if Dante turned out to be right. “My healing ability is forcing whatever this shit is out. I don’t need your help.”

“Suit yourself.” Dante told him for the second time that night. “I’ve got a first aid kit somewhere around here. At least patch yourself up.”

“Fine.” Nero agreed through gritted teeth. “Will you just get out?”

“I’m going!” Dante said.

Nero waited until he was sure Dante was gone before stripped off the rest of his clothing and turned on the shower as hot as it would go. The hot water stung and left his skin flushed, but at least it helped ease the aches in his muscles and warmed him up.

The bathroom door crashed open again and Nero seriously considered using the shower curtain to strangle Dante. “Seriously?” He called out. “Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?”

“You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before.” Dante pointed out.

“That is not the point.” Nero growled.

“Relax, kid. I’m just leaving this first aid kit on the sink for you. That showerhead detaches so try to flush some of that shit out.”

“You seriously have a detachable showerhead?” Nero asked. He had a feeling he already knew what the answer was going to be.

“The ladies love it.” Dante said mock seductively as he closed the bathroom door behind him.

_(Yep, knew it.)_

_(Now he felt like he needed a shower after his shower.)_

_(He was definitely going to end up killing Dante.)_

.....

Nero had stayed in the shower until the hot water turned cold and thankfully Dante didn’t bother him again. He’d taken the other hunter’s advice and had attempted to flush his wound out as much as possible.

_(It had stung like a bitch.)_

_(And he was still infinitely creeped out by how the strange substance seemed to have a mind of its own. It had pulled back and shielded itself from the water like something out of a horror movie.)_

_(At least Dante had left him some clean clothing that didn’t look ridiculous.)_

_(It was nice to know that Dante did at least own one shirt.)_

_(Not that it would help much if Nero was the one actually wearing it.)_

By the time he stepped out of the bathroom, Nero was dead on his feet. He’d headed straight for the couch and collapsed without bothering to wonder where Dante had disappeared to. He hadn’t even checked to make sure Vergil was still asleep and not lurking in the darkness for a chance to strike.

Needless to say, he’d been less than thrilled to be woken up what felt like minutes later by shouting and the sound of breaking glass.

_(Oh, looks like Vergil’s awake.)_

_(He was about to be decapitated.)_

Nero sat up and jumped off the couch just in time to avoid the sword that had been aimed right at his head. Vergil _(who was very much awake) (and currently had a rather large sword in his hands)(goddamn that wall of weapons)_ glared at him, his eyes so bright with hatred they were almost glowing.

“This isn’t even my fight.” Nero pointed out in exasperation. “Can’t a guy just get some sleep?”

Vergil didn’t bother to reply to him, but since he immediately aimed another swipe at Nero, it was clear that the answer was no, he could not just go back to bed.

_(He should have just slept in the goddamn dumpster.)_

_(Where the hell was Dante right now? What happened to “oh no worries, I can totally handle the psychopath”?)_

Right on cue, Dante burst through the door with shards of glass still embedded in his shoulders.

_(Which probably wouldn’t have happened if Dante had just put a goddamn shirt on.)_

“He threw you out the window?” Nero asked, unable to stifle his laugh.

_(He would have happily woken up earlier to witness that.)_

Dante quirked one eyebrow at him and pointed slightly over Nero’s shoulder.

_(Oh yeah, there was an enraged guy currently trying to kill them.)_

_(Again.)_

_(Yamato owed him so much for saving this asshole.)_

Nero jumped to the side. He almost tripped over the coffee table but he at least avoided Vergil’s attack. Dante rushed forward while Vergil was distracted and caught his brother in the stomach with a lowered shoulder, using the shards of glass to his advantage.

_(Why did Nero get the idea this wasn’t even the first time this had happened to Dante?)_

He drove them both backwards until he’d trapped Vergil between himself and the kitchen sink. Dante slammed Vergil’s hand against the refrigerator until the sound of breaking bones filled the air of the small apartment. The sword finally fell from Vergil’s from Vergil’s grasp.

_(Nero was reasonably sure that freezer would never open again.)_

_(This whole situation was surreal.)_

_(He’d sat through hundreds of sermons about Sparda and his greatness.)_

_(And now he was watching Sparda’s oh-so-powerful-and-dignified sons knock the shit out of each other like this was a bar fight.)_

“Will you just calm the fuck down, Vergil?” Dante snapped. His plea seemed far less genuine than it sounded considering the fact he was currently punching his brother in the stomach.

“Where is my sword?” Vergil asked in response. His voice sounded far too calm for someone in the middle of a fist fight and that was somehow even more terrifying.

“Look around! Do you see your goddamn sword?” Dante asked as they grappled.

“What have you done with it?” Vergil growled.

“It’s somewhere safe.” Dante said cryptically, but that was apparently enough for Vergil because his eyes immediately snapped back to Nero.

_(Goddamn it.)_

_(Nero was awfully proud of himself for not squealing in dread.)_

“Oh, just ignore me.” Nero said as he backed towards the door. Maybe he could make a break for it. “I’d hate to interrupt your cat fight.”

Vergil’s eyes narrowed before he blinked from existence.

**_(Not today.)_ **

Nero managed to catch Vergil in the jaw with his Devil Bringer before Vergil could even reach him.

_(And it felt immensely satisfying.)_

_(Seriously, fuck teleporters.)_

“That teleporting shit gets old.” Nero warned as Vergil fell backwards and landed right on his ass. “Try it on someone else for a change.”

_(Alright, maybe taunting the murderous maniac wasn’t the best idea he’d ever had.)_

_(At least he got one good punch in before he died.)_

Vergil’s eyes narrowed in response and he aimed a precise and brutal kick right to Nero’s shins. If it hadn’t felt like his knee cap was now cracked right in two, Nero would have appreciated Vergil’s admittedly unexpected brawling skills.

Vergil took advantage of Nero’s wince of pain to get back on his feet and charge him. Vergil drove them both until they hit the wall behind them.

_(Apparently he shared the charge and punch strategy with Dante.)_

_(Nero was vaguely surprised that Vergil didn’t drive them both through the wall like a fucked up version of the Hulk.)_

“I don’t have your goddamn sword.” Nero swore at him as he tried to disentangle himself. Vergil had clearly learned a bit about Nero’s fighting style too in the previous encounters, because he’d pinned the Devil Bringer against the wall immediately so Nero couldn’t just crush him into unconsciousness again.

_(Technically Yamato was his sword now so it wasn’t exactly a lie.)_

_(Time travel made shit confusing.)_

Dante reappeared behind his brother and wasted no time in wrapping his arms around Vergil’s neck to lock him in a choke-hold. He dragged his brother away from Nero and forced Vergil to his knees with visible effort so he had better leverage against him. His gripped tightened even more as Vergil clawed at his arm, leaving visible gouges in the flesh of Dante’s arm.

“We’ll return your sword when you calm down.” Dante growled at him. “Knock it off, or your ass will end up comatose again. Alright?”

_(Nero managed to resist the urge to point out that you’re not supposed to negotiate with terrorists.)_

_(And that Dante had no actual plans of returning Vergil’s sword to him anytime soon.)_

_(And that technically, it’d been Nero who’d knocked Vergil out the first time.)_

_(And that even then it required the strength of his Devil Bringer, which definitely couldn’t be matched by a choke hold, no matter how buff you were.)_

_(Not that he thought Dante was buff.)_

_(Wait, what?)_

It really seemed like Vergil was going to continue fighting, but after a few tense moments, he relaxed slightly in Dante’s grip. He wasn’t exactly showing no resistance but at least he wasn’t openly fighting anymore.

_(It was probably impossible to fully relax with a stick up your ass anyway.)_

“Agreed.” Vergil ground out in a tone that implied he wasn’t happy about this, but he was willing to comply in the name of getting his sword back. _(And that once he got his sword back, he’d be using it to its full potential.)_

Dante loosened his grip and allowed his brother to slip from his gasp.

Vergil nailed Dante with one skilled punch to the groin as he carefully stood up while Dante crumbled to his knees.

_(Huh.)_

_(Maybe Vergil wasn’t so bad after all.)_

 

  

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update as of 6/20/2017: I've gotten a couple of comments and messages asking if this one has been abandoned again. It hasn't! I'm run into some computer trouble and I can't write whole chapters on my phone. A new laptop will be heading my way shortly so updates should resume soon!
> 
> Hey you guys, I have some life advice for you. If you promise to try to update more often, maybe don't use your entire data cap to consume a concerning amount of Star Trek fanfiction and redownload Life is Strange so you don't have to sit around with your thumb up your ass until you can actually post a new chapter.  
> ........
> 
> I feel like Vergil's entire thought process is 50% "I am a calm and collected being who is above such petty emotions" and 50% enraged screaming. 
> 
> And Dante's thought process is probably just "DANTE NO" vs "DANTE YES". 
> 
> ...........
> 
> Thank you so much for all the kudos that were left on the previous chapter! It's excellent encouragement. If anyone would be interested in leaving constructive criticism, I'd love to see some suggestions for what else I could use besides names to refer to characters. I feel like I'm using everyone's names too much and that leads to the story reading kind of stilted but I suck at coming up with natural sounding alternatives.


	4. Unending Questions About Apples

Breakfast was _awkward_.

Nero sat in a silence that any sane person would have described as _**uncomfortable as fuuuck.**_ Vergil was practically vibrating in barely restrained rage _(he was expecting him to charge again at all minute) (hopefully it wouldn't be at him)(There was no way he could make it to the_ **HONESTLY THIS IS A BAD IDEA CONSIDERING THIS SITUATION** _wall of weapons before Vergil did)(the only thing in reach that could even sort of count as a weapon was a butter knife)(the chances of it being useful were exactly zero)._ Only Dante seemed relaxed as he reclined in his chair with a beer in his hands and his legs stretched out in front of him as he casually picked shards of glass out of his shoulders.

_(The pile of glass was pretty impressive, Nero had to admit.)_

_(He got the definite sense this was not the first time Dante had been tossed through a window and ended up filled with shards of glass.)_

_(He couldn't really blame people; he had definitely considered throwing Dante out a window a few times too.)_

_(Like right now.)_

_(He was definitely considering it right now.)_

Meanwhile, Vergil sat across from him slowly chewing and seemingly trying his best to _glare_ Nero to death.

_(Before this morning, he had never thought that it was possible to eat a apple **resentfully**.)_

_(He didn't even know where Vergil had gotten the apple.)_

_(It's not like he had space to keep a lunchbox in his ass alongside the stick he kept there.)_

Nero cleared his throat loudly, absolutely unable to take the silence anymore. “So is there a plan for today or are we going to sit around and stare at each other?”

_(Maybe the plan was going to be bonding over some board games.)_

_(Vergil was absolutely the type to assault someone for beating him at monopoly.)_

 Dante drained the last of his absurdly inappropriate beverage _(it was like 9am at the latest)(he wasn't at all surprised Dante didn't own a clock)(who lives alone and somehow owns multiple chairs but zero clocks?)(he couldn't exactly blame him for wanting a drink after getting into a fist fight with his brother)(who was still a homicidal psychopath)_. “We should probably comb the city for survivors.”

 “That seems uncharacteristically generous of you.” He said without really thinking _(in his defense, he wasn't wrong)_. He was surprised when he noticed Vergil smirking in response to his comment in the vaguest display of amusement possible.

  _(He wouldn't have been surprised if showing any signs of happiness was physically painful for Vergil. He definitely didn't seem like the happy go lucky type.)_

  _(He possibly didn't even have the facial muscles required to form a smile.)_

  _(Maybe that's why he was always so cranky.)_

  _(“My face is inferior to other faces. Boohoo.”)_

  _(Dick head.)_

 Dante shrugged his shoulders and shot him a grin. “Could be some good money in it. We'll need it eventually.”

  _(Ah, there was the asshole he knew.)_

  _(The asshole had a point.)_

 “You're such an asshole.” _(Eh. Might as well call em like he sees em.)_

 “Do you have to make such false and hurtful statements?” Dante pressed a hand to his chest in mock offense.

  _(Nero was not amused.)_

  _(Maybe he could make the butter knife work as a weapon after all.)_

  _(He'd go for the eyes.)_

“Was he always like this?” Nero asked, turning to Vergil mere moments before his head was filled with shrill **WHAT ARE YOU DOING** alarms _(oh no)(shiiiit)(he'd definitely just asked Vergil, the guy who was currently planning a very painful death for him, a casual question like this was a normal breakfast and not what might possibly go down in history as the worse breakfast in history)(he was an idiot)(for the second time this morning, he congratulated himself for not squealing in fear)._

 He'd absolutely not been expecting an answer so he was surprised when Vergil responded with a single blunt and cold, “Yes.”

“I can see why you wanted to kill him.” _(goddamn it)(maybe the butter knife could be used to give himself a lobotomy)(you'd think “don't draw the guy planning to kill you into conversation” would be obvious to him.)_

Vergil fixed his gaze on him and Nero almost had to suppress a shiver. Unlike the “ _actually pretty impressive for a guy eating a mystery apple_ ” glare from earlier, this was the same cold as ice look Vergil had given him in the library. It was brittle and unforgiving and a open reminder that even if Vergil was willing to occasionally answer the offhand question, he was dangerous and filled with the kind of hatred that would never be a joke.

“You don't see anything and you understand nothing.” Vergil told him, his gaze unwavering.

_(Brrrrr. Chilly.)_

_(Also, insulting.)_

_(And kind of cryptic.)_

_(He'd definitely just learned to never, ever engage Vergil in anything even vaguely resembling conversation.)_

_(Honestly, why even answer a question if you were going to be such a asshole about follow up questions.)_

“As great as it is to see you two kids bonding,” Dante interrupted, blessedly silencing any possible stupid statements Nero still had lurking around in his brain, “I have shit to do. You coming with me, kid?”

_(What.)_

_(No.)_

_(Maybe Nero was currently behaving like a giant idiot but the fact that he was in no shape to do any sort of fighting was glaringly obvious to him.)_

_(He'd fucking traveled back in time yesterday.)_

_(He had been impaled multiple times and there was still a giant hole in his stomach.)_

_(His alarm clock had been an attempted decapitation.)_

_(All he wanted was a nap.)_

_(One not interrupted by a sword.)_

“Are you out of your mind?” Nero asked. He'd never admit that he was just not up to a fight _(especially to Dante)(and especially not in ear shot of Vergil)_ but Dante had seen his stomach and the other hunter wasn't a moron despite the way he behaved roughly 90% of the time. There was no way he wasn't already aware that Nero wasn't the least bit interested in spending the day on his feet and swinging a weapon.

Dante smirked at him _(and goddamn was that always infuriating)_ before inclining his head towards his brother. “You're welcome to stay here today then.”

_(Oh yeah.)_

_(Fuuuuuck that.)_

“Let me get my coat and weapons.”

“Will you be any help?” Dante asked him as he stood up. His tone made it very obvious that he already believed the answer was no.

_(As though he hadn't been the one to invite Nero along literally seconds ago.)_

_( **Literally. Seconds. Ago.** )_

“I'll be fine.” Nero snapped, simultaneously lying _and_ offended.

_(Besides, like hell was he going to spend the day hanging out with Vergil in a tiny ass apartment.)_

_(Dude probably had horrible taste in day time soap operas.)_

“Then get your shit and let's rock.”

Nero huffed in frustration but decided against pointing out that that was what he'd been trying to do before Dante had decided to be a idiot. He retrieved his jacket _(and tried very hard not to think about how it hadn't been washed after he'd ended up in that stupid hell river)(probably not a great thing to be wearing with a large wound)(although it was doubtful that any infection could somehow be worse than what was currently happening under his bandages)(besides, Dante clearly didn't own a washer or dryer)(He'd add “find a laundry mat that was not finely ground rubble” to his to do list)_ before steeling himself to grab Red Queen.

_(This was going to suck.)_

He briefly congratulated himself for not cringing in pain while he hefted Red Queen into her holster. She'd always been a heavy blade but right now she felt three times heavier than usual and the weight immediately sunk into his shoulders and back, causing a deep ache.

_(Suck it up.)_

_(He had a reputation to maintain.)_

_(Even Blue Rose felt heavier than usual.)_

“Uh,” Nero began awkwardly in a hushed tone, inching closer to Dante in an attempt to talk to him in something vaguely resembling privacy, “is it a good idea to leave him by himself?”

“You already said you don't want to stay with him. You gonna leash him and try to drag him around with us?” Dante asked as he put on his coat. _(Nero couldn't help but notice that he still hadn't bothered to put on a shirt)(for fuck's sake)(was he actually currently wearing Dante's only shirt)(you'd think spending the morning picking glass shards out of your shoulders would be a valuable lesson in the benefits of clothing)._

“I can hear you.” Vergil said. “Don't speak as though I'm not here.”

“Is it a good idea to leave you here by yourself?” Nero asked him. _(GODDAMN IT)(he was going to win a gold medal in speaking before thinking at this rate)(Vergil was going to stab him again and at this point he'd deserve it for sheer stupidity alone)._

“He'll he fine.” Dante answered for his brother. “Trust me, he won't go anywhere and there's nothing here to build booby traps out of.”

_(Nero hadn't even considered traps.)_

_(He was suddenly very worried about the fact that Dante **had** thought about that.)_

“When are you going to stop this childish game?” Vergil snapped, jumping from “silent brooding” to “enraged and ready to maim” in mere seconds. “You have no right to hold me here.”

“Bro, you tried to end the world last night. I have every right to keep you here or you're going to immediately try it again.” Dante replied, also clearly irritated. “Besides, I've already said that I don't have your sword.”

“Don't mock me.” Vergil growled. “I saw that one summon his fake copy last night. I know he's holding mine.”

“I have a name.” Nero replied _(_ _ **why**_ _)(seriously_ _ **why**_ _)(would Vergil saying his name really make his threats_ _ **any better**_ _)._

“Your name is irrelevant.”

_(Once a dickhead, always a dickhead.)_

“I don't have your sword either.” Nero told Vergil. _(Yamato was his sword now so it technically wasn't a lie)(time travel made things confusing)._

“You're a bad liar.”

“Was he always this much of a dick?” Nero asked Dante _(again, before he could stop himself)(definitely going to get stabbed again)._

Dante stared at Vergil with a unreadable look while he considered Nero's question. “No.”

_(Aw shit.)_

_(Nero wanted to avoid getting caught in the middle of a attempted heartfelt family moment even more than he wanted to avoid being impaled again.)_

_(And he really did not want to be impaled again.)_

Vergil's face hardened even more _(which Nero hadn't thought was actually possible)(Vergil's overall demeanor could easily replace air conditioning)._ “If this is an attempt at family bonding, you already know you are wasting your time.”

“Give it some time.” Dante said confidently. Vergil gave no response at all, choosing to instead glare at the table so fiercely that there was a high possibility it would burst into flames at any moment.

“Are you ready?” Dante asked, turning back towards Nero.

_(Fucking yes he was.)_

_(This morning just kept getting more and more awkward.)_

“God yes.” Nero answered. “Let's get the hell out of here.”

“Do you want to borrow some different clothing?” Dante asked him, giving him a once over.

_(Look.)_

_(Nero wasn't about to let a man who refused to put on a shirt give him shit about wearing sweat pants in public.)_

_(Also he wasn't actually sure he could manage to bend down far enough to change his pants right now.)_

“I like to be comfortable.” Nero said, daring Dante to say anything else.

“At least they look good on you then.”

_(Wait what?)_

_(Nero still had no idea how to respond to Dante flirting with him.)_

Nero couldn't help but notice that Vergil had lifted his head after hearing Dante's little comment _(good, that table deserved a break)_ and was watching them both with narrowed eyes.

_(Nero felt like that was probably a bad sign somehow.)_

“Can we go?” Nero sighed, using the “ **Vergil's school of rude and dismissive responses** ” method of brushing off the compliment.

“You got it, kid.” _(He was going to have to cut Dante's vocal cords to get him to knock that shit off)_. Dante started towards the door and then stopped so suddenly that Nero crashed into his back. Nero opened his mouth to ask what the hell was it now when Dante turned around and asked, “Hey Verg, you want to come with us?”

_**(WHAT)** _

_**(SERIOUSLY WHAT)** _

“No.” was Vergil's instantaneous response. “And don't call me that.”

_**(Thank god.)** _

_(He had to resist pointing out that Vergil had definitely just doomed himself to a lifetime of Dante calling him that just to spite him.)_

_(He wondered if Vergil would ever warm up to him enough to teach Nero how to condense the sentence, “ **No I would not and frankly fuck you for even asking** ” into a single no.)_

“Then take a shower and get some more sleep. There's no way you're fully healed.”

_(Yeah, getting your ass kicked by a clown must take a lot out of you.)_

_(Arkham had only thrown him off a building while dressed as a clown.)_

_(Technically that didn't count as a fight.)_

Vergil visibly stiffened at the mention of his defeat. “Don't tell me what to do.”

“You can borrow some of my clothes.” Dante said in a tone that was probably supposed to sound reasonable but instead read as “ _pettily ignoring your protests just to annoy you more_ ”.

Nero jumped slightly in surprise when Vergil slammed his palm down on the table, the bang echoing through the small apartment _(seriously that table was having a bad morning too)_. “I want nothing from you.”

_(Nero wasn't sure that he'd ever hated someone so much that he'd refuse clean clothes over staying covered in whatever it is that lurks in hell rivers.)_

“Can we please go now?” Nero asked, totally not begging while obviously begging. “This is fucking uncomfortable.”

_(It really was.)_

_(He might just throw himself out a window to escape at this point.)_

“Yeah. Let's get out of here.” Dante said, turning back around and throwing open the door. Nero followed him gratefully until he noticed that the other hunter was smirking.

_(Don't do it.)_

“See you later, Verg.” Dante called over his shoulder.

_(Goddamn it.)_

_(Vergil was going to give up on his sword and kill them both before the week was over.)_

* * *

Nero couldn't help but notice a few things:

 

  1. The city was unnervingly quiet _(Like, silent.) (He supposed that was probably something that was expected when demons overran a town.)_

  2. Speaking of demons, that was a lot of blood. _(Like, a lot.)(No really, a lot.)(God, he hoped it rained soon.)(He wasn't entirely sure that would actually help.)_

  3. There were absolutely no bodies. _(Like, anywhere.)(He'd heard before that some demons don't hesitate to feed on corpses.)(Don't think about it.)_

  4. Everything was destroyed. _(Like, everything.)(What kind of demons take time out of their schedules to crush garbage cans?)(Maybe it was for the best if there were no survivors, otherwise people were going to end up paying out of their asses for repairs.)(He wouldn't be surprised if all the insurance plans in the town had a, “Honestly, that's what you get for building your city over a giant demonic tower and we're not paying for shit.” clause.)_




 

There were only a few demons lingering among the ruins of the Temen-Ni-Gru but they were the small fries that went down with a few well placed bullets. _(He guess all the big guys had better shit to do.)(They had a library to replace to be fair.)(Nero wasn't actually complaining about them being easy to take down.)_

Still, he hung back and let Dante take out as many of the demons as nonchalantly as he could. Firing Blue Rose from a distance was about all he was capable of doing at the moment and he truly wanted to avoid using Red Queen if he could.

_(Customize your giant sword, Nero. It'll be fun, Nero. Make it heavy as possible, moron.)_

“I thought you said that you were going to help.” Dante said after the last demon had fallen. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and turned to stare at Nero with a look that clearly said, “ **You are not nonchalant and I clearly noticed that.** ” ( _Even though I personally invited you to come, because I am a massive asshole.)_

_(For one brief moment, Nero was struck by how much Dante looked like Vergil.)_

_(Okay so technically they were identical twins but still.)_

_(What a goddamn difference a hair style could make.)_

_(He had to admit that he was really impressed that Vergil's hair hadn't moved during that little brotherly fist fight this morning.)_

( _Also, he'd been dumped in a river last night.)_

_(Was there such a thing as long lasting demonic hair gel?)_

_(Did Vergil keep demonic hair gel in his coat's pockets?)_

_(Wouldn't it be some shit if he'd stopped to slick his hair back this morning before throwing Dante out of a window and trying to decapitate him?)_

"Are you admiring the view or did all the brain damage finally catch up with you, kid?”

_(Oh.)_

_(He'd definitely been staring at Dante for way too long.)_

_(Exactly the opposite of what he wanted to do if he wanted Dante to stop flirting with him.)_

“I'm fine.” Nero snapped _(because that was a more dignified answer than “I was contemplating your brother's hair”)_. “And I have been helping, asshole. Where do you think those bullets came from?”

“I'm taking out four demons to every one of yours.” Dante replied as though it were an obvious fact.

_(It was a obvious fact.)_

_(But fuck him.)_

“What? Can't handle yourself, old man?”

Dante's lips twitched in slight amusement. “Any particular reason you're calling me old man?”

“Any particular reason you keep calling me kid?”

“Because it clearly irritates you.” Dante answered, shrugging his shoulders not at all apologetically.

“You're gonna fuck around and get yourself stabbed.” Nero said.

“Not much of a threat from someone who can't hold their own sword.”

_(No really, fuck Dante.)_

_(Maybe he could work something out with Vergil.)_

_(“I'll give you your sword back if you promise to a) kill your brother and b) only impale me a little bit.”)_

“What do you want from me?” Nero asked. “You're the one who invited me to come with you.”

Dante shrugged again. “I just asked you a simple question. You're the one who turned it into bickering.”

“It's what I call you. In the...future.” Nero answered awkwardly after a moment of hesitation. _(“In the future” sounded ridiculous, even if it was true.)_

Dante considered him for a moment. “So you're really not joking, huh?”

“Yes, I am.” Nero snapped in irritation. “You caught me. I'm just a crazy person making up fairy tales. All the proof you've seen is all in your head. I'm just going to really great lengths for a free place to stay.”

“So, what am I like in the future?”

“You're less infuriating but you've replaced your hatred of wearing a fucking shirt with a unexplainable need to wear a dozen belts at once.

“Are they nice belts?”

“I hate you _so much_.” Nero sighed.

Dante laughed out loud and Nero stared at him with as blank of a expression he could manage. _(Channel Vergil.)(If he cracked even the barest of grins, he was only going to encourage Dante to keep driving him insane.)_ “Is that still slowing you down?” Dante asked suddenly, gesturing towards Nero's stomach _(as though Nero were an idiot who couldn't piece together what he was asking about.)_

 “That's none of your business.” He replied evenly. _(Because Dante knew it was still slowing him down and he didn't know why he was either bothering to ask)(probably just to irritate him again)._

“If I'm going to spend the day covering your ass then it is my business.”

“My ass is fine.”

_(Fuck.)_

_(He didn't think that one through.)_

“It is but that doesn't answer my question.”

_(He had to admit that he'd walked right into that one.)_

“Do you flirt with everyone?” Nero asked.

“No.” Dante answered without hesitation, catching Nero off guard. “Do you always deflect questions with more questions?”

“No.” Dante continued watching him unexpectedly until he sighed. “Alright yes, it's slowing me down a little but I'm fine.”

“You should have stayed behind.”

“You're the one who asked me to come with you.” Nero said angrily. “Aren't we supposed to be looking for survivors?”

“Lead the way. It's your funeral.” Dante said, sarcastically gesturing for him to pass him.

“I can fully understand why Vergil threw you out a fucking window.”

“That's how he shows you that he cares.”

_(Nero was going to kill both of the Sparda twins.)_

_(Somehow.)_

_(He'd have to remember to look up if demons were immune to poison.)_

 

* * *

 

  _(It took at least ten minutes before he realized that he hadn't rebuffed Dante's flirting.)_

  _(What the fuck was wrong with him?)_

  _(Why couldn't that demon have just killed him instead?)_

 

* * *

 

 Nero was _(almost)_ ready to admit defeat and ask to call it a day.

  _(He was willing to risk decapitation at this point.)_

  _(His feet hurt, okay?)_

  _(Even his knee caps hurt.)_

  _(His actual knee caps.)_

  _(He didn't even know that it was possible for bones to hurt.)_

  _(It's not like the odds of finding survivors were looking good.)_

 His plan to call it a day was cut short by the sound of screaming. Very obviously human screaming. Dante moved towards the shrieks far faster than he could manage _(apparently the difference between having some demonic blood and being half demon was pretty obvious)(especially when he was nowhere near his best)(Dante still didn't hold a candle to Vergil's speed though)(Nero had to wonder if he could blackmail Vergil into teaching him that handy little “surprise, I'm a fucking teleporter” trick)(“Okay, I actually do have your sword, will you teach me super speed?” probably wouldn't go over very well.)_

 The screams were coming from a apartment building that was mostly half collapsed rubble at this point.

  _(Yeah that building was going down if either of them sneezed.)_

  _(Definitely not covered by homeowner's insurance.)_

  _(Bummer.)_

 Nero reached out and tossed the large portion of the building blocking the entry way with his Devil Bringer before Dante could even reach the door ( _Ha! He wasn't entirely slow.) (He congratulated himself on not mumbling, “You should nave stayed behind” under his breath.)(At least it was nice to know that one part of him wasn't sore and useless.)_

 The hallways of the building were mostly empty, filled with only a few of the small guys they'd been fighting earlier but the building was full of powerful demonic energy and it was very obvious that there was something more powerful lurking further into the building.

  _(Also this place had some really hideous wallpaper.)_

  _(Nero could almost see the ad now. Apartment for rent: decor hasn't been updated since the 70's. No guarantee that the paint isn't lead based. Slightly possibility of demon attacks. Rent is cheap though.)_

  _(Probably not the time to ponder this.)_

 The demons in the hallways were dispatched easily and they pushed forward towards to sound of screaming _(it was a pretty obvious trail at least)_ until they reached the apartment at the end of the hallway. Dante wasted no time in kicking the door open _(Nero wasn't the least bit surprised)(Door knobs must be a real challenge for someone who doesn't understand shirts.)_

 Nero followed Dante inside and scanned the room. A few facts drew his attention:

 

  1. There was a family inside, and they had definitely seen better days than this one. _(As had their apartment.)(He had to give them props though)(the wallpaper looked new)._

  2. There was a man swinging a broom at a demon. _(The broom was bamboo.)(Ah yes, a broom made of grass. The perfect weapon for demon slaying.)(Nero had to admit that guy had balls.)_

  3. There was woman huddled in the corner of the room, who was the source of the screaming.

  4. She had two children huddled in her arms _(who were going to need so much therapy after this)(maybe they could repress it)._

  5. That was a fucking Blitz. _(_ _ **WHAT**_ _)(Yeah that was definitely a Blitz)(he had no idea how a Blitz was even here)(goddamn he hated these things)(this was going to hurt)._




 

“The hallway is clear.” Nero shouted.”Take your family and get out now.”

 The family hesitated and he had to resist the urge to immediately snatch them all with his Devil Bringer and toss them outside.

  _(One of those kids were like eight.)_

  _(He'd absolutely reduce him to a finely ground powder.)_

  _(Not his best idea.)_

  _(Not like it was any better than fighting a demon with a broom though.)_

 “It shoots lighting.” Nero sighed _(resentfully)(what had he done to deserve this)(like things weren't bad enough without adding having to fight one of these things to the mix)._

 That seemed to kick the family into gear _(not that Nero blamed them)(he wished he could haul ass out of here too)._ The man threw the broom aside and stopped only long enough to grab the youngest kid before pulling his family into the hallway and running, leaving him and Dante alone.

 “Does it really shoot lightning?” Dante asked as he rolled his shoulders, obviously preparing for a real fight.

 “Yeah.”

 “Aw.” was Dante's only reply.

  _(Nero had to agree.)_

 He resisted the urge to sigh as he pulled Red Queen out of her holster. The blade felt like it weighed a ton but there was no way he'd be able to take down the Blitz with just his gun, even if Dante was there to help him. _(Not that he'd ever allow himself to rely on Dante)(he'd been thrown off a tower by a clown)(his ego couldn't take another humiliation)(God, he wished he'd been there to see Vergil get trounced by a clown)(that memory alone would have probably healed him)._

 His shoulder screamed in protest at the first swing of his blade and Nero realized that he was going to have to rely more on his Devil Bringer and devil trigger than he'd like to. _(He was going to be exhausted after all this)(if he didn't die)(Vergil was going to be so excited since Nero was going to basically show up wearing a sign that said “hello, I am vulnerable and defenseless.”)_

 Fighting alongside Dante was strange in the way it felt so natural. He'd seen the other hunter fight in Fortuna but it's not like they'd exactly been fighting side by side. Nero had spent most of his time actively avoiding working with others _(people liked to stare)(he appreciated it about as much as he appreciated giant demonic towers)_ but he fell into step with Dante so easily that it left him unsettled.

 “Any chance we could lure it outside?” Nero called as both he and Dante dodged a charge from the monster. “Not to complain but a living room isn't exactly the best place to fight one of these things.”

 “Sure, let's lead it outside so it can get back to attempting to kill that family.” Dante shouted, his voice barely audible over the sound of his guns.

  _(Oh yeah.)_

  _(Nero realized that he probably wasn't a very nice person.)_

 He sighed as he dodged another swipe of claws. “Alright but you're going to want to watch out. These things get faster and stronger the closer they are to dying.”

 “Nothing I can't handle.” Dante told him as Nero fired several shots into the Blitz's back. Dante caught the beast with a upwards swing of his blade while it was off balance from Nero's shots. “You recognize this thing?”

 “Yeah.” Nero answered simply as he caught the Blitz with his Devil Bringer, smashing it violently around the room. “You don't recognize it?”

  _(”A stranger tossed a demon around our apartment and broke all our furniture.” probably wasn't covered by insurance either.)_

  _(Maybe he shouldn't have tossed a demon into the breakfast nook.)_

  _(That was a lot of broken plates.)_

  _(He was going to owe this family a trip to IKEA.)_

 “Never seen one before.” Dante said simply. Nero risked glancing over to look at the other hunter. Even in the middle of a fight, Dante looked like he was lost in fight.

  _(Which meant that he didn't even have to pay attention when fighting a new monster.)_

  _(Asshole.)_

  _(Here comes his least favorite part.)_

 The Blitz was glowing an angry red and crashing erratically around the room. It was becoming incredibly obvious that one more good blow would finish the thing off and activate its “ **if I'm going to die then I'm going to electrocute the fuck out of you** ” attack.

 Nero revved Red Queen once last time and prepared himself to dodge like crazy _(he didn't bother warning Dante)(He figured that he was probably smart enough to realize that things that could electrocute him were trying to electrocute him)_ when his stomach seized violently and sent a massive wave of pain through his entire body. He could feel the strange substance twist and sink deeper into the wound, spikes digging deeper into his stomach as Red Queen fell from his grasp.

  _(Yeah, he was going down.)_

  _(Quite literally. His legs were giving out.)_

  _(He had no chance of dodging that final “ **fuck you too** ” lightning attack from the Blitz.)_

  _(This was going to suck.)_

  _(He should have warned Dante.)_

  _(Was this karma?)_

  _(All he could do now was hope that he looked even slightly dignified while currently curled in the floor in a whimpering ball.)_

 Nero curled up as much as possible, pressing one hand against his stomach in a vain attempt to ease the pain currently flowing through him. _(Would you like to attempt to avoid attacks in the most humiliating way possible? Now introducing: the fetal position!)_ All he could do was trust in Dante's ability to kill demons _(he had to begrudgingly admit that Dante was good at killing demons)_ and accept that there was no possibility of him getting back on his feet in time to rejoin the fight.

 He listened from his position in the floor as Dante landed the final blow and started cursing as the Blitz started ping-ponging wildly around the room. He was surprised when he realized that the other hunter was keeping himself between the Blitz and Nero ( _which was kind of humiliating)(his ego was not happy)(also it didn't stop that whole electrocuting thing)._

 Nero definitely whimpered as the electricity coursed through his body. It was a glancing blow, one that would have been a hundred times worse had Dante not been blocking some of the attack but that didn't stop it from tearing through his already wrecked muscles.

 The sudden silence was deafening.

  _(This was awkward.)_

 The silence hung between them heavily and Nero could literally feel Dante staring at him. He decided to face the other hunter in the most dignified way possible; by curling into a ball and closing his eyes as tightly as possible.

 “You alright, kid?” Dante asked after several long moments.

 “Oh I'm great.” Nero snapped _(his irritation was probably slightly less biting while he was curled upon in the floor)_. “This is just my new hobby.”

 “No need to be a asshole.” Dante, the _undisputed champion of being a asshole_ , said. “You need help getting up?”

 “I think I'm good down here.” Nero insisted, hoping that Dante didn't notice that his voice had gone slightly higher in dread. ( _Dante had definitely noticed.)(He wasn't sure his legs would work yet.)(Nevermind the fact that his veins still felt like they were currently filled with fire.)_

 “C'mon.” Dante said before bending down and hooking his arm around Nero's shoulders _(making it very obvious that Nero was going to stand up right now, regardless of whether or not he wanted to)_.

  _(He'd definitely whimpered again.)_

  _(Goddamn it.)_

 Dante **(forcefully pulled him to his feet against his will)** helped him to his feet and Nero swayed unsteadily while he waited for his vision to become something other than a white tunnel.

  _(Maybe it was the light at the end of the tunnel.)_

  _(Dying wouldn't be so bad right now.)_

 Dante's hands stayed pressed firmly against his shoulders to help him stand until he could finally breathe again and shrug Dante's hands off his shoulders. He looked up to find the other hunter only inches away from his face.

  _(Fuck.)_

  _(Please don't hit on me right now.)_

  _(And please spare me from a smartass remark.)_

 “You look like shit.” Dante said finally after a few incredibly uncomfortable seconds.

 “My apologies.” Nero ground out between clenched teeth. “I guess being electrocuted doesn't do much for my complexion.”

 Dante finally took a step back. “We should check on that family. The noise might have attracted more demons.”

  _(Nero wasn't entirely sure that it was possible for your stomach to fall out of your ass, but that was the closest description for how the idea of more fighting made him feel right now.)_

  _(He still wasn't going to admit that.)_

 “Lead the way then.” He told Dante.

 

* * *

 

The family was waiting for them outside and were infinitely grateful for Dante and Nero's help even if they were all wearing the glazed eyes and blank faces of people who had no idea what the hell had just happened and could not comprehend what they had just seen.

  _(Therapy. They were going to need so much therapy.)_

  _(And a lot of new furniture.)_

 “How can I ever repay you?” The man asked Dante while vigorously shaking his hand.

  _(That guy had definitely introduced himself.)_

  _(Nero still couldn't remember his name.)_

  _(He hadn't been listening.)_

  _(He was pretty sure that he was going to die any minute now.)_

  _(He wasn't entirely convinced that this guy wasn't attempting to actually hold Dante's hand.)_

  _(He hadn't attempted to shake Nero's hand.)_

  _(He didn't have the energy to be offended about that right now.)_

 “You could _actually_ pay me.” Dante said evenly, extracting his hand from the man's grip.

 “You could pay **us**.” Nero snapped in irritation, taking great care to put emphasis on the us part.

  _(He had no idea what he was going to do with money in a abandoned town but he'd been electrocuted and goddamn it, he was getting a cut.)_

 “You can pay _me_.” Dante repeated. “I made the kill, I get the paycheck.”

 “You're such a asshole.”

 “I don't have much.” The man said, interrupting their bickering. “But you saved my family.”

 “How much is not much?” Dante asked and Nero couldn't resist the urge to groan.

 “This entire town is rubble. It's not like he can swing by a ATM and check his bank account.”

 Dante shot him a irritated look and he glared right back. _(He'd been electrocuted, okay? He wasn't exactly in the mood for negotiations.)(He just wanted a nap.)(At this point he'd be willing to be paid in gumballs and have to share a bed with Vergil if it meant he could get off his feet.)_

 “I have a couple of hundred on me.” The man answered. _(Nero had the feeling that this guy wasn't really in the mood for negotiations either.)_

 Nero watched Dante out of the corner of his eye as he mulled it over. _(Nero actually had no idea what the going rate for demon slaying actually was)(he was probably really underpaid)(somehow it had never occurred to him that Dante was paid in actual money before)(even though that made sense, it's not like you could buy groceries with crystallized demon blood)(he was going to invoice the order for all his hard work as soon as he got back)._

 “Keep it.” Dante finally answered, startling them both. “But you should get out of town for a while.”

  _(Nero resisted the urge to say that they should get out of town forever.)_

  _(Who would want to move back to Demonville?)_

  _(Well at least they had way less furniture to pack.)_

 “Thank you.” The man _(John? Jim? It had definitely been something starting with J)_ said. “I don't think we'll ever come back.”

  _(Finally, someone with sense.)_

 Nero stood silently beside Dante as they both watched the lights of the families car disappear down the road. “What happened to charging people?”

 “They needed what they had to leave.” Dante said.

  _(Oh.)_

  _(Nero had to begrudgingly admit that Dante wasn't always a asshole.)_

  _(Just 95% of the time.)_

 “You could have at least charged them a little.” Nero sighed. “It's the principal of the matter.”

 Dante laughed. “C'mon, I'll buy you dinner.”

 Nero stared suspiciously at Dante's back as he followed the man.

  _(The city was destroyed.)_

  _(Everyone was dead.)_

  _(McDonalds definitely wasn't open.)_

  _(He was admittedly starving though.)_

  _(He couldn't just summon apples out of thin air.)_

  _(Unlike some people.)_

 “Fine.” Nero said and followed.

  _(James.)_

  _(That guy's name had been James.)_

  _(Maybe he really did have brain damage.)_

  _(Goddamn it.)_

 

* * *

 

 It turns out that when Dante said “I'll buy you dinner” what he really meant was “let's loot a abandoned convenience store for snacks and a couple of sodas and eat them on a rooftop because why not.”

_(Nero honestly didn't know what else he'd been expecting.)_

  _(He was so relieved to sit down that he wasn't even going to complain.)_

 ( _He refused to acknowledge the fact that they were watching the sunset together though.)_

 “Some dinner.” Nero said as he opened his bag of trail mix.

  _(He didn't even care about what his hands might be covered in at this point.)_

  _(There was nothing else that could happen to him that was worse than had already happened.)_

 “Not romantic enough for you?” Dante asked.

 Nero sighed and turned to insult the hunter but stopped short when he realized that Dante wasn't actually paying much attention to him. Instead he was focusing on the street below them, clearly thinking.

  _(It said a lot about Dante that flirting was his second nature.)_

 “Something on your mind?” Nero wasn't actually sure that he wanted the answer to that question but he just couldn't stop himself from asking.

 Dante nodded and looked up. “We need to talk.”

 “Are you breaking up with me?” Nero asked sarcastically before he could stop himself. _(Goddamn it.)(Why did he keep speaking without thinking?)(The last thing he wanted to do was encourage Dante.)_

 “Not today, kid.” Dante replied, grinning.

 “What do you want to talk about?” Nero asked. He didn't even have the energy to protest Dante's comment.

 “I've been thinking about that demon from earlier. You said that you recognized it, right?”

 Nero's brows knitted in confusion. “It's called a Blitz. Why does it matter if I recognized it?”

 “Because I didn't.” Dante said.

 “And?” Nero asked. “So what? Have you seen every demon in the entire world? Because it seems to me like new types pop up daily.”

Yeah, they're numerous.” Dante replied. “I just think it's weird that a demon you recognize from the future suddenly showed up here.”

 “Your brother tried to open a portal to hell and kill off humanity yesterday.” Nero commented dryly. “I'm sure that attracted plenty of new types of demons.”

 “You might be right.” Dante admitted. “But you said so yourself that you changed a lot of things yesterday.”

 “You think I've broken time?” Nero couldn't keep the disbelief out of his voice.

 “Is that really too weird to believe?” Dante asked. “That's the thing that's a little too strange for you?”

  _(He'd traveled back in time.)_

  _(He'd been thrown off a tower by a evil clown.)_

  _(He'd watched a giant blob summon evil dolphins.)_

  _(He'd agreed to live with a man who literally tried to end the world.)_

  _(He had a sentient mystery substance living in his actual body.)_

  _(No, it was not too weird to believe.)_

 “You know that I would have had to let Vergil die yesterday if I wanted to avoid changing things, right?” Nero said. “Is that what you wanted.”

 “No.” Dante said quietly and Nero had to close his eyes briefly.

  _(He'd made it weird.)_

  _(He was even more uncomfortable with Dante having actual feelings than he was with Dante flirting with him.)_

  _(This was really bad timing for this type of conversation.)_

  _(He couldn't even eat his trail mix if Dante was going to insist on having emotions.)_

 “Were you being serious when you said that he wasn't always like that?” Nero couldn't resist asking. As uncomfortable as it was, he couldn't help but be curious. “Because he doesn't strike me as someone who was ever the friendly type.”

  _(He was going to make a fortune rewriting all of the order's history books with stories about how Sparda's kids sucked.)_

 “You've known him for one day.” Dante pointed out.

 “Yeah and he made a hell of a first impression.”

 “I told you, trying to kill you is his way of saying he cares.”

 “Will you stop dodging my question? Either answer it or don't.” Nero snapped.

 “He used to be...warmer.” Dante said after a few moment on contemplation.

 “Okay but now you could store ice cream by having him hold it.” Nero pointed out. “What happened to make him such a dick?”

 Dante shrugged. “I don't know. He stuck around for a while after our mother died and then he just vanished. By the time he showed back up, he really wanted to kill me.”

  _(Nero couldn't exactly blame Vergil for that one.)_

 “So what? You're hoping to make your homicidal twin brother a nicer person by holding him hostage in your apartment until we all die?”

 “I didn't exactly think this through.” Dante admitted.

 “Yeah, I got that.” The fact that Dante had put zero thought into this was bother unsurprising and incredibly obvious. “What are you going to do with him? You can't just let him sit around plotting ways to get revenge.”

 “I'll get him a library card.”

 “Yes, I'm sure that will fix everything. Maybe you can find him a copy of “How To Overcome the Urge to End Humanity” there.”

 “He'll be fine.” Dante said dismissively. “Besides, he'll have you there to keep him company from now on.”

  _(What.)_

 It took a few moments for that to sink in. “What the hell did you just say?”

 “You heard me, kid.”

 “You're out of your mind.” Nero immediately protested. “I'll leave and live on the goddamn streets before I spend all my free time babysitting someone whose tried to kill me more than once.”

 Dante grinned at him in a way that Nero could only describe as devious. “You can leave, but he'll follow you as long as you have his sword and he'll kill you if you try to give it back. You're as stuck as he is.”

 “You son of a bitch.” Nero growled as the truth sunk in. Dante was right, he'd essentially leashed a psychopath to his arm for the rest of the foreseeable future.

 “You're in no shape to fight.” Dante said seriously. “I saw you go down in that fight and you wouldn't have gotten back up if I hadn't been there. You're useless until you recover.”

 “I would have been fine.”

 “Stop kidding yourself.” The other hunter said. “You know damn well that you're just getting worse.”

  _(Nero did know that.)_

  _(But he wasn't going to admit it.)_

 “Fuck you.” He sighed. As infuriating as it was, he knew that Dante was right. He was getting worse and he did need to recover. The only hiccup was that he had no idea how he was supposed to heal a wound full of sentient goo that was willing to attack its host to protect itself.

 “You'll have to buy me a couple of drinks first.”

 “I hate you so much.”

 “You know, I think it will good for Vergil to make some new friends.” Dante said with a straight face. **With a attempt at a straight face.**

  _(The son of a bitch.)_

  _(He was going to kill him.)_

 “I'm not going to sleep beside him.” Nero warned. “No slumber parties.”

 “That's fair.” Dante agreed. “I have a spare mattress I can toss in the corner.”

 Nero glared at the other man as he resisted the urge to punch him. “That would have been nice to know last night.”

 “I forgot. I don't know if you remember this, but I literally walked through hell last night.”

  _(He had a point, Nero had to reluctantly admit.)_

 He sighed, knowing that he was thoroughly resigned to his fate and had no choice but to accept it. “I have one more question.”

 “Shoot.”

 “Where the _hell_ did he get that apple this morning?”

 Dante's laugh echoed through the empty street. “I have no goddamn idea.”

 

* * *

 

Despite of how exhausted he was, Nero dreaded returning to Dante's apartment. It was really starting to sink in that he'd agreed to willingly spend time with Vergil without putting up any real fight at all. The urge to turn and run was growing stronger with every step.

_(It was time to handle this like a mature adult.)_

  _(It was time to stall.)_

 “I need to make a detour. I'll meet you back at your place.”

 “A detour for what?” Dante asked. “We've already been over this. It's pointless to run and you're out of luck if you meet up with another demon.”

 “We haven't seen a demon since the Blitz. I'll be fine.”

 “You're stalling.” Dante practically sing-songed at him.

 “I'm not.” Nero protested. _(He was.)(But Dante didn't need to know that.)_ “Will you get off my ass? I was just going to find a drug store. If I'm going to be stuck here for who knows how long, I'd at least like to have my own damn toothbrush.”

  _(Nice.)_

  _(10 points to himself for a believable excuse.)_

  _(Okay, he actually did really need a toothbrush.)_

  _(And deodorant.)_

  _(He was expecting a lot of uncomfortable moments if he was going to be spending his days with Mr. Frosty.)_

  _(Also Dante only had spearmint toothpaste and honestly he liked cinnamon better.)_

  _(He's been almost killed at least a dozen times, he deserved to at least have his preferred flavor of toothpaste.)_

 “Right.” Dante said in a tone that implied he didn't believe Nero at all, but couldn't find any obvious holes in his excuse. “There's a drug store two streets over. Think you can find your way back on your own?”

 “I'll follow the sketchiest looking roads I can find to the one building in this neighborhood with lights one.”

 “That'll do it.” Dante agreed. “Try not to die.”

 “Try not to get into anymore fist fights with your brother.” Nero shot back.

 “No promises, kid.”

 Nero watched Dante walk away and resisted the urge to throw at garbage can at his head _(not that he could find any uncrushed ones around)(maybe he could frisbee one)_. It'd been 24 hours at the most and already the Sparda twins were starting to erode his sanity.

  _(He wouldn't actually be that surprised if they did get into a fist fight before he got back.)_

 He managed to find the drug store Dante mentioned despite the vague directions he'd been given. It was surprisingly untouched and still had power. _(Only a couple of suspicious blood splatters.) Nero would have given it a positive Yelp review regardless.)_

  _(He'd never looted a store before and honestly it was uncomfortable.)_

  _(Should he check if the cameras were still working?)_

  _(People would probably have bigger problems when they got back than his theft of toothpaste.)_

  _(Could Vergil get to him if he was in jail?)_

 He hunted silently through the aisles, grabbing various things and shoving them into the black messenger bag he'd found _(in the really big “_ _ **DON'T THINK ABOUT IT**_ _” back to school section)_. It was actually pretty nice to have a moment to himself even though he was a)currently robbing a store b)possibly moments away from collapsing and c)could be killed at anytime if a demon showed up.

  _(Being around Dante and Vergil constantly was exhausting.)_

  _(The temptation to just sleep under one of the cash registers was strong.)_

  _(It probably wouldn't be anymore uncomfortable than the mattress Dante was going to pull out from god knows where.)_

 He paused in front of the first aid and sighed to himself as he shoved more bandages, gauze and (fuck) alcohol into his bag. He hesitated and then tossed a few tubes of antibiotic ointment in as well.

  _(He wasn't entirely convinced that neosporin would help a body horror nightmare wound.)_

  _(But he doubted that it could make things any worse.)_

  _(He really shouldn't have skipped all those first aid courses.)_

  _(He had no more reasons to keep lingering.)_

  _(And Dante was definitely the type to come back just to irritate him.)_

  _(Wait, did Vergil need a toothbrush too?)_

  _(Why did he care?)_

  _(If Vergil got close enough to strangle him, Nero would technically prefer he had fresh breath.)_

  _(Picking up a toothbrush for someone hellbent on destroying him was somehow the weirdest thing that had happened so far.)_

  _(Okay, now he really had no more reasons to stop stalling.)_

  _(Time to head back and be uncomfortable.)_

  _(Ugh.)_

 

* * *

 

 It was eerily quiet when he entered the apartment and for the few seconds, Nero was absolutely convinced that he was going to find two dead bodies beside a note that just read, “He started it. No he started it.”

  _(Which would have made things way easier for him.)_

  _(The apartment wasn't that bad of a place if it wasn't for the two nightmares occupying it.)_

 But a second look told him that both Vergil and Dante were very much alive and were currently sitting silently at the sitting room table across from each other, seemingly locked in a wild western-esque stare down.

  _(Whoever blinks first is the loser, I guess.)_

  _(Maybe he should have grabbed some eye drops while he was at the drug store.)_

  _(There were only three chairs at the table.)_

  _(There had been four this morning.)_

  _(There were wood chips everywhere.)_

  _(Nero would bet money on Dante not owning a broom.)_

 He shrugged off his coat and asked himself if he really wanted to be the one to break the silence before giving up and asking, “So who broke a chair over whose head?”

  _(He was kind of worried that the third chair was going to end up thrown at his head.)_

  _(Frankly, he would be furious.)_

  _(He definitely deserved his own chair solely for putting up with this shit.)_

 “Well I didn't throw a chair.” Dante answered, grinning at him as Nero sunk down on the couch. He absolutely did not want to join the staring contest currently happening in the kitchen.

  _(You know, for someone who seemed to consider themselves above such things, Vergil sure did seem prone to temper tantrums.)_

  _(Dante probably deserved the occasional chair to the face though.)_

  _(Actually both of the twins deserved the occasional chair to the face.)_

 He kicked off his boots and leaned his head back so he could close his eyes and relax. It was very tempting to just fall asleep and let the twins have their uncomfortable silence but all he'd had today was trail mix. “So what's the plan for tonight? Are we just going to starve or what?”

  _(“Or will your brother magic up some more apples or what?”)_

 “Vergil got groceries while we were out.” Dante said with obvious amusement.

Nero opened his eyes in surprise and caught Vergil staring at him with a unmistakable expression of, “ **You say one fucking word about it, you'll get a chair bashed into your face too**.”

 “Seriously?” Nero asked, pointedly ignoring the way Vergil's eyes narrowed in response.

  _(He really couldn't picture Virgil calmly gathering groceries and planning meals.)_

  _(It seemed vaguely domestic.)_

  _(Did Virgil take a break from plotting to kill humanity every now and then to buy pop tarts?)_

 “He has to eat too.” Dante pointed out.

 “Can't survive on spite alone?”

  _(He had to stop doing that.)_

  _(Somehow he doubted that Vergil appreciated jokes.)_

  _(Especially ones involving him.)_

 “I've already said-”

 Dante cut off his brother before he could finish. “Don't talk about you as though you're not here. Stop repeating yourself, Verg. We've heard it. Start talking if you're so upset about being ignored.”

 “Why would I wish to speak to you?” Vergil asked, his voice dripping with venom.

 “Can you two stop?” Nero asked. It really was like he was babysitting. “It's been a long day and I don't want to sit here while you two argue with each other.”

 “You're free to return my sword and leave at anytime.” _(“Please, so I can paint this apartment red and leave both of you to rot” was how that sentence ended in Vergil's head, Nero assumed.)_

 “I was kind of thinking someone would make dinner so I could go to bed.” Nero said, deciding it was probably better to play dumb. “Are we playing rock, paper scissors over who has to cook dinner?”

  _(He wasn't sure any of them could actually cook.)_

  _(He wasn't great at it.)_

  _(He ordered a lot of take out.)_

  _(Vergil was going to poison them if they ever allowed him to cook dinner.)_

 “I'll handle dinner.” Dante answered, surprising him. “He's not going to do it and you're useless.”

 “To that we agree.” Vergil volunteered and for one moment, Nero wished he'd return to being silent and creepy.

  _(He reminded himself that sticks and stones may break his bones, but he'd never had his ass kicked by a clown.)_

 “Can I borrow some more clothes?” Nero asked. Deciding to just flat out ignore Vergil's comment was probably for the best. “I'd rather shower and clean up then watch you two stare at each other.”

 “You know what a dresser and closet are.”

 “You could have just said yes, asshole.”

 Nero grabbed the first clothes that looked comfortable _(Dante totally owned multiple shirts)(he was choosing to be constantly shirtless)(why)_ and gathered up his bag of stolen supplies as fast as he could so he could escape the awkward tension in the air before it could kill him.

 “Don't use all the hot water.” Dante called after him as he closed the bathroom door.

  _(He was instantly tempted to use all the hot water.)_

  _(He was going to have to loot a doorknob with a actual lock if he was going to be staying here much longer.)_

  _(Or at least a chair to wedge under the knob.)_

  _(Too bad the extra chair had been weaponized.)_

  _(Goddamn it.)_

 He undressed slowly because he was deeply dreading unraveling the bandages around his waist to check what the wound on his stomach looked like. Nero had no idea what had happened this afternoon with the wound but it definitely didn't seem like it'd be conductive to healing.

 The bandages wrapped around his stomach were soaked in black blooming into red. He carefully unwound them, wincing as he pulled them loose from where they'd become become stuck to the raw edges of the gash. _**(Ow.)**_

 It didn't look great.

 Despite the fact that he'd used his devil trigger multiple times today, he couldn't see any real change in the wound. It wasn't getting worse, but it also wasn't getting any better. It was though it was being prevented from healing.

  _(Cleaning it was going to suck.)_

  _(To be fair, cleaning it always sucked.)_

  _(If he was going to dump alcohol in this thing, he better do it in the shower where the water might drown out his pained whimpering.)_

 He wasn't even surprised when the door burst open and Dante stepped into the small bathroom. “Can't you at least knock first?”

 “I just wanted to know how that was looking.” Dante replied, not even bothering to apologize before he crowded Nero.

 “It's obviously fantastic.” Nero said dryly. “I've never been better. Now can you get out?”

 “I'm telling you, that needs to be drained.”

 Nero gestured towards the discarded bandages. “It's draining plenty.”

 “Not enough.”

 Nero took a step back before Dante got any ideas about “helping” him. “Your brother is going to poison the food if you leave him alone for much longer.”

 “I wouldn't be surprised. Are you sure you can manage that yourself?”

 “Yes, now leave. I'm not in the mood.”

 “Let me know when you are in the mood.” Dante said before disappearing out of the bathroom.

  _(Damn it, he'd walked right into that one.)_

  _(He wasn't even sure if that'd been an innuendo or not.)_

 His shower was uneventful _(there may have been some pained whimpering)(a lot of pained whimpering)(okay and it was still horrifying to watch exactly what ran out of that wound when he flushed it)(the phrase “pregnant with nightmares” had briefly popped into his head and he'd considered immediately handing Vergil his sword so he could escape that mental image)_ but Nero had to admit that he felt better once he was clean and redressed.

 Dinner was seemingly ready when he exited the bathroom and he noticed that Dante hadn't been kidding about the extra mattress. It had been tossed in the corner along with a blanket and one sad looking pillow but at least it was better than nothing.

 Dinner was a surprising pot of spaghetti, he wasn't exactly sure that boiling some noodles and dumping a jar of sauce over them counted as cooking but he wasn't about to complain. He grabbed a plate _(he was impressed that Dante owned multiple plates)(it'd taken Nero longer than he cared to admit to realize that he should have more than one fork)_ and retreated back to the couch with his food.

  _(As far as he could tell, the dining room table had been designated the zone of tension and he wanted nothing to do with it.)_

  _(He and Dante had apparently both decided to ignore the fact that Vergil was refusing to eat.)_

  _(He had to resist the urge to point out that Vergil was the one who got the damn groceries in the first place and therefor he was the one who wanted spaghetti in the first place.)_

  _(Temper tantrums.)_

 “Nero and I talked this afternoon and he's going to stay behind with you for a few days.” Dante told Vergil casually.

 Vergil didn't respond but he had a gleam in his eyes that said, “ **Thank you, that will be a fantastic opportunity to decapitate him.** ”

 “You can't try to kill me.” Nero pointed out. “That's the first rule.”

 Vergil responded exactly how Nero thought he would. By glaring at him and refusing to speak. _(He was starting to think that that's just what Vergil's neutral facial expression was.)_

 “I've been thinking...” Dante began, and Nero could almost feel the dread sinking in. ( _I've been thinking was easily the most ominous way Dante could begin a sentence)_ , “you're going to need clothes of your own if you're stuck here.”

  _(He wasn't wrong.)_

 “And?” Nero asked in confusion.

 “He'll need clothes too.” Dante finished, pointing his fork at Vergil for emphasis.

 Nero stared at Dante as though he'd grown a second head. “Please tell me that you're not suggesting I take him shopping.”

 “Technically you'd be taking him looting.”

 “I don't need a escort or a guard.” Vergil stated.

 “I believe him.” Nero agreed _(in a vain attempt to escape this absurd proposal)_. “He'll be fine on his own.”

  _(Or he might start burning down houses for fun.)_

  _(Hopefully there weren't any puppies around for him to kick.)_

 “Nero is not a guard.” Dante said, not at all acknowledging Nero's attempt at subtle protesting.

 “I have no intention of looking after your injured mutt.” Vergil was back to glaring at his brother and Nero was somewhat relieved to not have that icy gaze pointed at him.

  _(It was kind of impossible to take things seriously when Vergil was in full intimidation mode and Dante was just casually eating spaghetti.)_

  _(Truly the most “I don't give a fuck” food.)_

 “Hey, don't talk about me like I'm not here.” Nero sniped back.

 “I know you're here.”

 “It was just a suggestion.” Dante shrugged his shoulders as both Nero and Vergil stared at him. “You two are free to do whatever you want. Nero might die in a ditch somewhere since he can't fight right right now and he's not going to stay in a small confined space with you and you probably can't get your sword back if he's devoured but whatever.”

  _(Fuck.)_

 “You manipulative son of a bitch.” Nero sighed. “I'd be fine. I'm not helpless.”

 “You willing to risk it, Verg?” Dante asked.

 “Don't I get a say in this?” Nero asked.

 “I'll consider it.” Vergil said, breaking his silence.

  _(That was somehow even more ominous than Dante saying he'd been thinking.)_

 “I won't.” Nero protested. “I'm not going to take him looting and I'm not going to play the role of helpless for you.”

 “You can't wear my clothes forever. Don't you at least want your own underwear?” Dante asked.

 “That is not the point!”

 “You'll have to do it eventually.”

 “Why? Is the issue that you're uncomfortable being reminded that you actually do own shirts?”

 “Will you both shut up?” Vergil hissed.

  _(Goddamn it, he just wanted to finish his dinner and go to bed.)_

 Nero got up and dumped his plate in the sink. “Who gets stuck with the lumpy uncomfortable couch tonight?”

 “I'll take it.” Dante said and Nero immediately knew what was coming next. “If you take him.”

 “Seriously, why do I have to take him?” Nero snapped in frustration. “He's not going to leave without his sword. You said so yourself.”

 “You two are going to end up fighting and I only have so much furniture.”

 “I'll sleep in the bath tub.” Nero replied dryly. “I'm tired and I'm done arguing for tonight.”

 “Nice choice. You can watch me shower.” Dante grinned at him.

 “I'm done with the flirting too.”

 Nero became suddenly aware that Vergil had seemingly started suddenly paying attention and he was currently watching him with a strange gleam in his eyes.

  _(Which wasn't welcome at all.)_

  _(Seriously, the last thing he wanted was Vergil getting any ideas that caused gleams.)_

 Dante cleared his throat and Nero watched in confused silence as the brothers resumed their stare down.

  _(For fuck's sake.)_

  _(These two needed family counseling as soon as possible.)_

  _(He wasn't actually sure if “my brother tried to end all of humanity and I am also insufferable” counseling was even a thing.)_

“Maybe you shouldn't go with him.” Dante said evenly.

 “You're the one who suggested it, brother.”

  _(Uh.)_

  _(What the fuck had just happened.)_

 Nero blinked in confusion at the sudden 180 this conversation had just taken. He felt like he had missed a vital part of what was happening and his exhausted brain certainly wasn't putting any pieces together. “Is this some reverse psychology shit?”

 “No.” Dante answered. “Just changed my mind.”

 “Why is that?” Vergil asked. _(Nero realized that he was definitely trying to sound innocent and holy shit, it was terrifying and not even close to what Vergil had been aiming for.)_

  _(He was too tired for this shit.)_

 “I'll fucking go with him if I have to.” Nero sighed. “I don't even care anymore. You two can keep arguing, I'm going to bed.”

 He paused only long enough to throw the extra toothbrush at Vergil _(who stared at it as though it was the most mysterious object in the world)(Maybe it was cavities making Vergil so cranky.)_

  _(He hadn't been expecting a thank you and he was still offended he didn't get a thank you.)_

  _(How did the silence from the other room manage to be deafening over the sound of the faucet?)_

  _(He was going to have to ask how they did that.)_

  _(Honestly, how long can two people angrily stare at each other?)_

  _(He better not find out that the answer was “forever”.)_

 He was a little surprised to realize that the twins were locked in a argument that didn't involve punching or chair throwing. Dante was leaned over the table, whispering something to his brother who was leaned back in his chair and wearing a facial expression that could only be described an vindictive.

  _(That was not a great sign.)_

  _(It was absolutely not comforting that they both went completely silent when Nero reentered the room.)_

  _(He'd worry about it in the morning.)_

  _(He was really tempted to collapse onto the actual bed, but he had the distinct feeling that Vergil had already staked a claim without actually speaking.)_

  _(Nero wasn't actually sure if Vergil would kill him over a bed but he wouldn't doubt it.)_

 “Whatever.” Nero mumbled, deciding not even to comment on the weirdness in front of him. He walked right past the brothers and collapsed onto the mattress in the floor. He curled onto his side, putting his back to Dante and Vergil so he could attempt to pretend they weren't there.

  _(He at least trusted Dante to not let Vergil stab him in the back.)_

  _(At least as long as Dante was awake that was.)_

  _(This blanket sucked.)_

 He was just on the verge of sleep overtaking him when it dawned on him that he'd agreed to spend tomorrow looting a city for new clothing with Vergil.

  _(Which was a absurd sentence.)_

  _(Okay, technically he'd said “if he had to”.)_

  _(He was going to have to.)_

  _(Fuck.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Inconspicuous whistling as I attempt to pretend to that it didn't take months to get this chapter up.]  
> [My computer died.]  
> [And then the replacement computer died.]  
> [Told ya it wasn't abandoned!]  
> [Anyway, see you in February.]  
> [Hopefully I'm kidding.]
> 
> ....
> 
> Do y'all ever feel like Vergil would be the type of asshole to want to take things from his brother out of spite?
> 
> Cause I do. 
> 
> ....
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos. I can't believe that so many people seem to enjoy whatever this is. No one thinks I'm funny in real life. 
> 
> Fun fact: Open Office doesn't recognize Temen-Ni-Gru as a word and keeps suggesting Semen-Ni-Gru as a replacement which I'm pretty sure also isn't a thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Random Notes That Have Nothing To Do With This Story:
> 
> But really, can you imagine the cost of insurance in this universe? At any given time a demon could crash through your house like it was paper mache and then some asshole in a red coat will come break all your furniture for no reason and you're just shit out of luck if your insurance doesn't cover random acts of supernatural entities. 
> 
> How many times can I write the word tower before it stops looking like an actual word? A lot because there's not many synonyms for tower and I'm not George R.R Martin writing an uncomfortable sex scene so I can't describe it as a rising shaft.


End file.
